So, I just found this blog that I wrote back in April, on my myspace blog. It really really hit me. I guess sometimes it takes a long time to learn your lesson. :)
From April 7, 2008:
"This past year God has been teaching me a lot about trust. A lot more than I ever really wanted to know, honestly. But it’d be a huge lie to say that I’m not glad He’s taught it to me. Obviously, He always knows best.
However, given the choice, I definately would have opted out of learning it in the ways that I have...and it’s not over yet. For starts, had I known how long it would take me to get a real paying job, I would have cried even more than I have in the past eight months....and I’ve cried a lot. Had I known the heartbreaking emotional roller coaster I would be going on, I don’t know if I could have gone on at all.
This week especially has been stressful--because of money I’m not going to school, the mountain’s closing so I still need a job, one of my best friend’s is walking away from the Lord and is avoiding me, I’m having some health issues--and wondering what my next step is there (nothing huge and dramatic, just enough to cause me stress), I’m unsure whether or not to take a loan to get my wisdom teeth removed, my room is in shambles (I hate disorder), and I’m totally at a loss.
BUT...GOD IS FAITHFUL! AND I AM TOTALLY THANKFUL FOR EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF MY LIFE EXACTLY AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.
You see, God has taught me a lot about trust. A big part of trust is choosing to rejoice in Him even when we can’t see how He’s working or we don’t feel His "warm fuzzy" presence. God is still God. And I am not.
When I complain, I accuse God of a lot of things. Grumblings accuse God of not taking care of me (which I have done without mincing words, too), of being a liar, of being distant, of screwing up my life...you get the picture
But "God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind." (Numbers 23:19)
When I grumble and complain, I forget just exactly who God is. I forget the promises He has given me and I call Him a liar. But, God CANNOT lie.
When I choose to thank Him for every single circumstance, no matter how frustrating, painful, or heartbreaking, I’m acknowledging His sovereignty.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Thankfulness is acknowleding Him---acknowledging His power, His love, His faithfulness, and His plan.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord, "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughs your thoughts."
Trust means acknowledging that we don’t understand and being thankful NO MATTER WHAT. Thankfulness is not reliant on a feeling but it’s a choice. Part of that choice is acknowledging that we can’t even be thankful without God’s help, but we can be willing to try. And when we try He gives us the help we need.
It’s not always instantaneous. In fact, it usually requires a lot of pushing through emotional garbage. But God has promised to help us, and He’ll keep His promises.
What are the promises He has given me? Some of my favorites:
Psalm 145:
"The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down....and is loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy."
Psaml 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."
Isaiah 48:17
"This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
’I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river."
There’s a lot more, but I really need to actually get out of bed now and get a move on this day.
"Today is the day the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!"
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