When God Says "No"

I was going to try and write something amazing and profound, probably relating to Valentine's Day and trusting the Lord and being content and all that jazz...but then I read this post from October. And it so very much fits where I'm at right now, that I had to share it again. So here it is:

Being the highly privileged (okay spoiled) American Christian that I am, I have this tendency to think that the world revolves around me. After all, I’m God’s kid right? My needs. My wants. My passions. They are of utmost importance. However, you might be surprised (as was I!) to find that this is not actually the case (shocker, right?).
This mentality has led me to (I’m ashamed to say) treat God as my own personal magic maker.
“Dear God. I want this, this, and this. Please deliver quickly. Thanks. Me.”
Now, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t say it quite like that. That sounds far too selfish and egotistical, which are definitely not traits that a good Christian girl like me should have. Rather, it’s phrased:

“Dear God. I understand that you are in the business of blessing your children and doing what is best for their lives. I think I could help you out on blessing my life! (Pats self on back) I have here a plan—of my own devising, even—that I think you will be quite proud of. All it requires are these few things from you (very large list follows). That’s it! Thanks God. I knew you’d understand. By the way, you rock.”

If you have ever found yourself praying anything like the above prayer, please keep reading. But be warned, you might not like what comes next (I can’t say I did either).
Lo and behold, things do not go according to my plan, God doesn’t provide exactly what I want when I want it, and I…well, I do what any sweet, loving child would—I throw a temper tantrum.
This brings me to the whole purpose of this essay. It’s really far too simple in my opinion. Two letters, actually. But put together, they cause such trauma. No. It’s only two letters—not even enough to get points for in a Boggle (yes, I’m one of those weird academic types who likes things like that, thanks for reminding me).
That’s it. No.
When God says “no....” Hmmm...when God says "no...."I know, you’re just dying to finish that sentence. When God says “no” all hell breaks loose. Or when God says “no” everything in my life goes wrong. Or when God says “no” it’s because He loves me.
Whoa there. That can't be right. Six months ago, I would've violently argued against that. But I’ve learned a lot since then.
When God says “no” it’s because He loves you. Because He loves me. Think of a two year old who has no idea what’s good or isn’t good for them. The ball is in the street. They want the ball. A car is coming. What do would you say if your kid wanted to run into the street after the ball? "Go for it, honey!"? OF COURSE NOT! You would say, “NO!”
There’s a hot stove. They want to touch it. What do you say? “NO!” There’s an extra slice of cake. They want to eat it. They have an allergy to wheat that causes them to have terrible stomach aches. What do you say? “NO!” Do you see where this is going? I'm putting this in green because you need to get this:

Parents are constantly telling their children “no” because it’s what’s best for them. Likewise, God—our heavenly Father—says “no” to us when it’s what’s best for us, because He loves us.

This past year, I’ve had to learn the hard way that when God says “no,” He means it. And when He says “no” it’s because He loves me. And if—as I’ve been asking Him for quite some time now—I truly want to experience His love, then I have to be willing to experience His “no’s,” even when I’m desperate for a “yes.”

“For the Lord disciplines those He loves, just as a father the son he delights in” Hebrews 12:6.

Having babysat a lot of bratty children, I can attest to that. Without a doubt, the parents I admire most are those who take time to lovingly discipline their children. It shows me that a parent really loves their kids when they take time to correct them properly, even when it’s unpleasant. They’re more concerned about the long term effects of their kid’s character then whether or not they’re popular with their kids at that moment. Does it really matter if they get that second piece of candy (or video game or night with friends)? Parents who love their kids don’t give them whatever they want just because they want it. They say “no.”
If that’s the case with parents, then it most definitely translates to God. Sometimes, one of most loving things God can do for me is to not give me what I want simply because I want it. In essence, when He says “no,” He’s really saying, “I love you and I'm doing what's best for me, so my answer is 'no'”
Who would’ve thunk?—that’s what’s really going on when God says “no.”

When Waiting Sucks

Sometimes it feels like waiting on God is just plain pointless.
What's the use, really? Sure, there are all these promises in the Bible about those who wait on the Lord, but let's face it, waiting sucks. Especially when it just plain seems like God isn't going to show up.
I know I'm not the first person to ever feel this way or to doubt God's promises (otherwise, why would there be SO many verses about waiting and trusting etc.?) Saul, the first king of Israel, struggled with this as well. Now, here was a man handpicked, anointed, and set apart by God. At the beginning of his kingly career, he prophesied, led his people to victory in battle, realigned Israel to God, and had what looked like a stellar life ahead of him. And then, somewhere he got off track. Or, to be more accurate, he got a little impatient. It's in 1 Samuel 13, that we see Saul's story take a turn for the worse.

1 Samuel 13:5-10
"The Philistines also gathered to fight against Israel...The men of Israel saw that they were in trouble because the troops were in a difficult situation. They hid in caves, thickets, among rocks, and in holes and cisterns. Some Hebrews even crossed the Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead.
"Saul, however was still at Gilgal, and all his troops were gripped with fear. He waited seven days for the appointed time that Samuel had set, but Samuel didn't come to Gilgal, and the troops were deserting him. So Saul said, 'Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings.' Then he offered the burnt offering.
"Just as he finished offering the burnt offering, Samuel arrived. So Saul went out to greet him, and Samuel asked, 'What have you done?'"

Let's pause, for a moment. Why is what Saul did a big deal? Why was Samuel so upset with Saul? To start, let's look at this from Saul's point of view. He's between a rock and a hard place. The Philistines are about to attack on one side, his troops are deserting him on the other; he's waiting for Samuel, who will come and help unify the troops, but Samuel hasn't shown up. So what does he do? Something's gotta be done. God's not coming through, so it's time to take things into his own hands. This is where the problem is. The fact that Saul offered the burnt offering, while appearing like he was trusting God, was actually evidence of the exact opposite. That was not his job and he knew it. He was trying to show the troops that he was in control by offering this sacrifice. If you read earlier, you'll realize that this sacrifice was supposed to be where Samuel anointed Saul again and established that his kingdom would last in the land of Israel. Samuel was supposed to anoint Saul. Saul was not supposed to anoint himself.
In a sense, God was testing Saul to see if Saul would stand firm and wait on God, even if God seemed like He was going to be late.

Habakkuk 2:3
"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will note lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late."

Just because God delays His promise, doesn't mean He's late and it doesn't mean He's not coming through. It simply means His timing is not our timing. And perhaps, like Saul, He's testing us to see if we will wait, even when it seems like He's forgotten.
What are you waiting for? Have you given up hope? Have you decided that God's not coming through and to try and take matters into your own hands? Please, don't. It's never a good idea. I'm not negating personal responsibility, just saying that if God's given you a promise, hold onto that promise for dear life. Trust that He will come through. He's faithful like that. Don't make the same mistake Saul did, a mistake that eventually cost him the throne. Instead, let us declare, like David:

"Surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:13-14)

Maybe waiting isn't such a bad thing, after all.

Shut up and Rest

Last night I drove home from work and vented my frustrations to the Lord. Why does He always put me in situations where my character has to be tested? Really, couldn't He just give me what I want when I want it for once? I realize how egotistical and selfish that last statement sounds...that probably has to something to do with the state of my heart. As I complained that He was taking too long, He ever so simply, in His sweet, wonderful way said, "Praise." As much as I didn't want to (I've been learned that arguing is futile), I consented. Ever so surely, I was brought back to a place of humility and reminded that a) God is still God, b) He does love me c) He does know what He's doing d) all He's called me to do right now is rest.
Be still.
Rest.
Wait.
Shhh...don't speak. Just rest.
For someone who is pro at freaking out at things she shouldn't freak out about, this is somewhat difficult. But slowly and surely, I'm learning to be still and rest.
2 Chronicles 20:17 "You do not have to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord."
If I'm constantly trying to figure it out or make it happen on my own, I'll never be able to see what God's doing or the way He's going to show up. The only way I can is if I shut up and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."
The Israelites simply didn't get it. And sometimes I don't really either. I don't want it to be said of me, "I offered you all this, 'but you would have none of it.'" I like the "and you will see the salvation of the Lord" verse better. Which version I get to experience is kind of up to me, though, isn't it?
So, I think I'm going to listen this time. I guess that means I'd better stop writing, shut up, and rest.

Thirsty

When I think vocabulary that could describe my current state of being, two words come to mind: thirsty and desperate. Not exactly the two words that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But, in all honesty, I feel like my soul is in a state of deep desperation and longing that I can't really describe. It's kind of like how you feel after a really long run on a super hot day when you forgot your water bottle. The only thing you can think about is getting a hold of some water and chugging it. It's like there's this deep, intense thirst inside of me that I'm desperate to quench.
Isaiah 41:17 says "The poor and needy seek water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst." I don't know of any other way to describe my heart but like that. It's a pretty pathetic feeling, but I think it's a good place to be. Especially when you read further. "I, the Lord, will answer them; I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them. I will open rivers on the barren heights, and springs in the middle of the plains. I will turn the desert into a pool of water and dry land into springs of water."
Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled." and John 6:35, "I am the bread of life," Jesus told them, "No one who comes to me will ever be hungry and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again." Jesus wasn't saying that we'd never experience hunger pains or the feeling of thirst, rather that we would be filled. That we'd never be in a place where we would be unable to satisfy our spiritual hunger or thirst because we can always turn to Him and He will fill us anew.
Psalm 34:8 says "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Have you ever noticed how much better food tastes when you're really really really hungry? Or how you may hate water when you're full, but when you're really thirsty it's the most amazing thing in the world? God is inviting us to come with our hunger and thirst and desperation. He's inviting us to drink from His waters that we may live.
The cool thing about hunger and thirst is that they're indicators that our bodies are working properly. If we didn't ever get hungry or thirsty, we'd have no way of knowing that we need nutrition and fuel. It's the same with our spirits. When we find ourselves empty and burnt out or just plain hungry for something new and refreshing, it's our spirits indicating that they need to be fed.
So, I guess thirsty and desperate...that's an okay place to be. It's okay because it brings me to back to Jesus and the foot of the cross. Not to mention, God is known for meeting those in desperation. And the greater my thirst, the more appealing is His invitation. He promised to provide water for the thirsty and, friends, I am thirsty. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to "taste and see" just how good He really is. I have a feeling I won't be disappointed.

Contemplations over ice packs and injuries

It's amazing how something as small as slipping and falling can mess up a whole afternoon. Or so it would seem. I re-pulled a muscle today that I pulled last month and it sent me into a fit of tears. But I was crying about a lot more than a bruised leg.
This past month has been an amazing month of the Holy Spirit's work in my life. He has been tearing down walls in my heart, opening up my spiritual eyes, and bringing me to the foot of the cross over and over and over again. As I've been growing in leaps and bounds, I've also been faced with struggles that keep appearing in leaps and bounds. Today, as I sat on the floor crying over my silly injury, my heart jumped at the chance to cry over all of the other things that were buried in there.
Yet, after all those tears, the only thing I can say is this: God is a God of faithfulness, even amidst struggle (especially amidst struggle!). He is faithful to keep His promises. As I've drawn close to Him over the past few months, He's given me a lot of promises and revealed a lot of truths to me. It has been a huge exercise in trust for me to stand on these promises. As I lay with an ice pack and a large amount of pillows under my leg, I kept thinking of all things that I'm struggling to believe God for. Doubts kept screaming at my mind, "Can God really love you that much? Will He really come through? Surely not. Why would He do that for you? Why would He actually care for you?"
The only answer I could find was the one thing that I've been standing on (albeit somewhat shakily, I admit). Time and time again, I find myself coming back to the simplest, most elementary--yet the most revolutionary--truth. God is love. And He loves me.
If I believe that God truly loves me then all of my fears are invalidated. Every. Single. One. As 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
He loves me, therefore He will do what's best for me. He loves me, therefore He will keep His promises. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
1 John 4:10 "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
I think that I just need to sit and chew on that for a very long time. It sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a blanket, a large amount of pillows and perhaps...an ice pack.

Paradoxical Thoughts

Sometimes I think it’s funny the way the kingdom of God works. It’s like this whole backwards set up—a system of paradoxes, if I may. Tonight, as I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, my head was spinning with these paradoxical thoughts.
I had just gotten back from Westside and was contentedly ready for bed. Wednesdays are Oneighty JV nights. I love Wednesdays. I love my group of fifth and sixth grade girls; I’m so excited about building relationships with them and the things we’ll be able to do together. And yet, it’s bittersweet for me. If things go according to plan, come January, I’ll be halfway across the country. So I’m building these amazing relationships with these girls only to up and leave. It’s the same with a lot of other things in my life, as well. I started this awesome job, but with the intent of only being there two months; I’m super connected in a community group that I absolutely adore; I have a play that could possibly be produced if I stayed; and I’m living with some incredible roommates in a super cute house. And now…I’m leaving. At least, I think I am.
Usually I’m dying to get out of Bend. I’m ready to leave at the drop of a hat and hop on the first plane that calls my name. But this time…it’s different. I feel, I don’t know, rooted. Not just like I’ve grown up here, but like I belong. This is kind of a first for me. I’m usually restless and unsettled after being in one place so long. Contentment is an unfamiliar feeling.
As I was lying in bed pondering this, I asked the Lord what on earth He was doing and why He would be sending me away now. This thought came to mind, “because this time it costs something.” I knew immediately what He meant. For the first time, my motivation for leaving wouldn’t be to escape, because I don’t want or need to escape. In fact, it’s almost the other way around. This time, leaving would cost me. Before, my motivation was for my own pleasure and agenda. Now, it’s obedience. And obedience costs—it doesn’t mean much if there’s no sacrifice involved.
This is just another of those great paradoxes of the kingdom of God. When you finally give up your dream(s), God answers. I don’t know for certain that I’ll actually bid Bend farewell come January. But I do know this, I’m willing to obey. Leave or stay, I’m surrendered. And you know what? That’s the best place to be.

When God Says "No"

Being the highly privileged (okay spoiled) American Christian that I am, I have this tendency to think that the world revolves around me. After all, I’m God’s kid right? My needs. My wants. My passions. They are of utmost importance. However, you might be surprised (as was I!) to find that this is not actually the case (shocker, right?).
This mentality has led me to (I’m ashamed to say) treat God as my own personal magic maker.
“Dear God. I want this, this, and this. Please deliver quickly. Thanks. Me.”
Now, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t say it quite like that. That sounds far too selfish and egotistical, which are definitely not traits that a good Christian girl like me should have. Rather, it’s phrased:

“Dear God. I understand that you are in the business of blessing your children and doing what is best for their lives. I think I could help you out on blessing my life! (Pats self on back) I have here a plan—of my own devising, even—that I think you will be quite proud of. All it requires are these few things from you (very large list follows). That’s it! Thanks God. I knew you’d understand. By the way, you rock.”

If you have ever found yourself praying anything like the above prayer, please keep reading. But be warned, you might not like what comes next (I can’t say I did either).
Lo and behold, things do not go according to my plan, God doesn’t provide exactly what I want when I want it, and I…well, I do what any sweet, loving child would—I throw a temper tantrum.
This brings me to the whole purpose of this essay. It’s really far too simple in my opinion. Two letters, actually. But put together, they cause such trauma. No. It’s only two letters—not even enough to get points for in a Boggle (yes, I’m one of those weird academic types who likes things like that, thanks for reminding me).
That’s it. No.
When God says “no....” Hmmm...when God says "no...."I know, you’re just dying to finish that sentence. When God says “no” all hell breaks loose. Or when God says “no” everything in my life goes wrong. Or when God says “no” it’s because He loves me.
Whoa there. That can't be right. Six months ago, I would've violently argued against that. But I’ve learned a lot since then.
When God says “no” it’s because He loves you. Because He loves me. Think of a two year old who has no idea what’s good or isn’t good for them. The ball is in the street. They want the ball. A car is coming. What do would you say if your kid wanted to run into the street after the ball? "Go for it, honey!"? OF COURSE NOT! You would say, “NO!”
There’s a hot stove. They want to touch it. What do you say? “NO!” There’s an extra slice of cake. They want to eat it. They have an allergy to wheat that causes them to have terrible stomach aches. What do you say? “NO!” Do you see where this is going? I'm putting this in green because you need to get this:

Parents are constantly telling their children “no” because it’s what’s best for them. Likewise, God—our heavenly Father—says “no” to us when it’s what’s best for us, because He loves us.

This past year, I’ve had to learn the hard way that when God says “no,” He means it. And when He says “no” it’s because He loves me. And if—as I’ve been asking Him for quite some time now—I truly want to experience His love, then I have to be willing to experience His “no’s,” even when I’m desperate for a “yes.”

“For the Lord disciplines those He loves, just as a father the son he delights in” Hebrews 12:6.

Having babysat a lot of bratty children, I can attest to that. Without a doubt, the parents I admire most are those who take time to lovingly discipline their children. It shows me that a parent really loves their kids when they take time to correct them properly, even when it’s unpleasant. They’re more concerned about the long term effects of their kid’s character then whether or not they’re popular with their kids at that moment. Does it really matter if they get that second piece of candy (or video game or night with friends)? Parents who love their kids don’t give them whatever they want just because they want it. They say “no.”
If that’s the case with parents, then it most definitely translates to God. Sometimes, one of most loving things God can do for me is to not give me what I want simply because I want it. In essence, when He says “no,” He’s really saying, “I love you and I'm doing what's best for me, so my answer is 'no'”
Who would’ve thunk?—that’s what’s really going on when God says “no.”