So, I should be sleeping. But I'm not.
Man, I just have such a huge burden on me right now...I feel like God has given me a burden to see people just fall in love with Him. And, it's so discouraging to not see that happening. If anything, it's the opposite. And, it's so discouraging when I'm not there, either.
Right now, I just want to want Jesus.
And, compromise is so frustrating. It breaks my heart to see how compromise has entered into the lives of so many people...and even into my own. I don't want to look like the world. At all. I want to look like Jesus.
But, do I?
Ephesians 5:1 says,
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children." not "Be imitators of the world."
But, what have we been doing, but trying so hard to look like the world.
I'm tired of looking like the world. I just want to look like Jesus. I don't want people to look at me and see Katelyn and her stuff, I want them to look at me and see what Jesus has done and how wonderful He is. That's what matters. That's what counts.
Who cares about the world? Why have I cared about what they think? Why have I measured their opinions and held up as some sort of standard? It means nothing what they say or think in the long run. What is Jesus saying? What does He have to say about my life? What are His thoughts?
Oh, Jesus, precious Jesus, be my everything. Once more.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
God isn't screwing up my life.
So, I just found this blog that I wrote back in April, on my myspace blog. It really really hit me. I guess sometimes it takes a long time to learn your lesson. :)
From April 7, 2008:
"This past year God has been teaching me a lot about trust. A lot more than I ever really wanted to know, honestly. But it’d be a huge lie to say that I’m not glad He’s taught it to me. Obviously, He always knows best.
However, given the choice, I definately would have opted out of learning it in the ways that I have...and it’s not over yet. For starts, had I known how long it would take me to get a real paying job, I would have cried even more than I have in the past eight months....and I’ve cried a lot. Had I known the heartbreaking emotional roller coaster I would be going on, I don’t know if I could have gone on at all.
This week especially has been stressful--because of money I’m not going to school, the mountain’s closing so I still need a job, one of my best friend’s is walking away from the Lord and is avoiding me, I’m having some health issues--and wondering what my next step is there (nothing huge and dramatic, just enough to cause me stress), I’m unsure whether or not to take a loan to get my wisdom teeth removed, my room is in shambles (I hate disorder), and I’m totally at a loss.
BUT...GOD IS FAITHFUL! AND I AM TOTALLY THANKFUL FOR EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF MY LIFE EXACTLY AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.
You see, God has taught me a lot about trust. A big part of trust is choosing to rejoice in Him even when we can’t see how He’s working or we don’t feel His "warm fuzzy" presence. God is still God. And I am not.
When I complain, I accuse God of a lot of things. Grumblings accuse God of not taking care of me (which I have done without mincing words, too), of being a liar, of being distant, of screwing up my life...you get the picture
But "God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind." (Numbers 23:19)
When I grumble and complain, I forget just exactly who God is. I forget the promises He has given me and I call Him a liar. But, God CANNOT lie.
When I choose to thank Him for every single circumstance, no matter how frustrating, painful, or heartbreaking, I’m acknowledging His sovereignty.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Thankfulness is acknowleding Him---acknowledging His power, His love, His faithfulness, and His plan.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord, "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughs your thoughts."
Trust means acknowledging that we don’t understand and being thankful NO MATTER WHAT. Thankfulness is not reliant on a feeling but it’s a choice. Part of that choice is acknowledging that we can’t even be thankful without God’s help, but we can be willing to try. And when we try He gives us the help we need.
It’s not always instantaneous. In fact, it usually requires a lot of pushing through emotional garbage. But God has promised to help us, and He’ll keep His promises.
What are the promises He has given me? Some of my favorites:
Psalm 145:
"The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down....and is loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy."
Psaml 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."
Isaiah 48:17
"This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
’I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river."
There’s a lot more, but I really need to actually get out of bed now and get a move on this day.
"Today is the day the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!"
From April 7, 2008:
"This past year God has been teaching me a lot about trust. A lot more than I ever really wanted to know, honestly. But it’d be a huge lie to say that I’m not glad He’s taught it to me. Obviously, He always knows best.
However, given the choice, I definately would have opted out of learning it in the ways that I have...and it’s not over yet. For starts, had I known how long it would take me to get a real paying job, I would have cried even more than I have in the past eight months....and I’ve cried a lot. Had I known the heartbreaking emotional roller coaster I would be going on, I don’t know if I could have gone on at all.
This week especially has been stressful--because of money I’m not going to school, the mountain’s closing so I still need a job, one of my best friend’s is walking away from the Lord and is avoiding me, I’m having some health issues--and wondering what my next step is there (nothing huge and dramatic, just enough to cause me stress), I’m unsure whether or not to take a loan to get my wisdom teeth removed, my room is in shambles (I hate disorder), and I’m totally at a loss.
BUT...GOD IS FAITHFUL! AND I AM TOTALLY THANKFUL FOR EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF MY LIFE EXACTLY AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.
You see, God has taught me a lot about trust. A big part of trust is choosing to rejoice in Him even when we can’t see how He’s working or we don’t feel His "warm fuzzy" presence. God is still God. And I am not.
When I complain, I accuse God of a lot of things. Grumblings accuse God of not taking care of me (which I have done without mincing words, too), of being a liar, of being distant, of screwing up my life...you get the picture
But "God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind." (Numbers 23:19)
When I grumble and complain, I forget just exactly who God is. I forget the promises He has given me and I call Him a liar. But, God CANNOT lie.
When I choose to thank Him for every single circumstance, no matter how frustrating, painful, or heartbreaking, I’m acknowledging His sovereignty.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Thankfulness is acknowleding Him---acknowledging His power, His love, His faithfulness, and His plan.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord, "As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughs your thoughts."
Trust means acknowledging that we don’t understand and being thankful NO MATTER WHAT. Thankfulness is not reliant on a feeling but it’s a choice. Part of that choice is acknowledging that we can’t even be thankful without God’s help, but we can be willing to try. And when we try He gives us the help we need.
It’s not always instantaneous. In fact, it usually requires a lot of pushing through emotional garbage. But God has promised to help us, and He’ll keep His promises.
What are the promises He has given me? Some of my favorites:
Psalm 145:
"The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down....and is loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him, He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy."
Psaml 32:8
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."
Isaiah 48:17
"This is what the Lord says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
’I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river."
There’s a lot more, but I really need to actually get out of bed now and get a move on this day.
"Today is the day the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!"
Big Enough--Ayeisha Woods
You turned water into wine - how extraordinary
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry
My own load when you told me
To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And even though my issues seem trivial
You alone are never to imperial
Its just the way that you love me
Its enough to convince me
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand that you're big enough
But you're big enough Jesus!
You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough yeah!
Gave sight to the blind - and still I carry
My own load when you told me
To take your yoke ‘cause yours is easy
And even though my issues seem trivial
You alone are never to imperial
Its just the way that you love me
Its enough to convince me
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand that you're big enough
But you're big enough Jesus!
You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning
And you are my everything
There's no denying, your love is so amazing
And even though my problems seem typical
Nothing for you is ever too difficult
You never have reservations - love without limitations
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded
Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded
It's all about you - I can never doubt you
Even if I wanted to…
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't wanna believe
That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah!
And I don't wanna box you in
You've been doing big things since the world began
Sometimes I just don't understand
That you're big enough - but you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough
That you're big enough yeah!
Zephaniah 3:17
A dear friend wrote this song based on the verse below. I had forgotten about it, until I found it just a minute ago. It hit my heart, because I was feeling particularly sad at the moment. Here it is:
The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior...he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NAS and ESV)
Come to Me, My love
for I'm strong and I'm mighty
Receive from Me, weak one
True rest for your soul
Take My yoke, My love
It’s light and quite pleasant
Receive the grace I give
Find real rest for your soul
(Matthew 11:28-30)
Abide in Me, My love
For I am the true vine
Receive from Me, My branch
Your life and your fruit
Depend on Me, My son
I have already cleansed you
Abide in My great love
From Me comes Your fruit
(John 15:1-5)
Rest in Me, My child
For I am a warrior
Receive from me, small one
the joy that I give
Trust in Me, My love
To fight your battles for you
Allow me in, My joy
to shout songs over you
Come to Me, Rest in Me, Abide in Me, My child
Receive My love, from above, listen as I sing
I am a warrior, who fights your battles for you
I am a warrior, who treads down your foes
I am a warrior, who shouts and sings over you
I am a warrior, who quiets you by My love
Who I am is all that you need
Who I am is all that you need
The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior...he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NAS and ESV)
Come to Me, My love
for I'm strong and I'm mighty
Receive from Me, weak one
True rest for your soul
Take My yoke, My love
It’s light and quite pleasant
Receive the grace I give
Find real rest for your soul
(Matthew 11:28-30)
Abide in Me, My love
For I am the true vine
Receive from Me, My branch
Your life and your fruit
Depend on Me, My son
I have already cleansed you
Abide in My great love
From Me comes Your fruit
(John 15:1-5)
Rest in Me, My child
For I am a warrior
Receive from me, small one
the joy that I give
Trust in Me, My love
To fight your battles for you
Allow me in, My joy
to shout songs over you
Come to Me, Rest in Me, Abide in Me, My child
Receive My love, from above, listen as I sing
I am a warrior, who fights your battles for you
I am a warrior, who treads down your foes
I am a warrior, who shouts and sings over you
I am a warrior, who quiets you by My love
Who I am is all that you need
Who I am is all that you need
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Mighty God
"Blessed are You, Lord God of Israel,
our Father, forever and ever.
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness,
The power and the glory,
The victory and the majesty;
For all that is in heaven and in earth is Yours;
Yours is the kingdom, O LORD,
And You are exalted as head over all.
Both riches and honor come from You
And You reign over all.
In Your hand is power and might;
In Your hand it is to make great
And to give strength to all.
Now therefore, our God,
We thank You
And praise Your glorious name.
But who am I, and who are my people,
That we should be able to offer so willingly as this?
For all things come from You,
And of Your own we have given You.
For we are aliens and pilgrims before You...
O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have prepared to build You a house for Your holy name is from Your hand and is all Your own.
I know also, my God, that You test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. As for me, in theuprightness of my heart, I have willingly offered all these things; and now with joy I have seen Your people, who are present here to offer willingly to You."
-1 Chronicles 29:11-17
God, how amazing and wonderful it is to offer everything back to You. You have freely given, I will freely give back.
Lord, it is so reassuring to know that provision and wealth do not come from striving, from my own works, or from me at all. No, riches and honor come from You. And I will do my best to honor You with my money, my time, and my life.
God, I trust You.
I don't trust me.
I don't trust my plans.
I don't trust human ambition.
I trust You. And I know that my life is in Your hands. And I know that where I go You will bless...or move me in another direction. You will provide. Also, I believe that You will abundantly provide that I may abundantly give.
I feel like the dreams that You've been putting on my heart and the season that is just around the corner is one of extravagance and abundance: abudant love, provision, and blessing.
I may not see it, understand it, or quite wrap my mind around it, but, God, I believe it!
our Father, forever and ever.
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness,
The power and the glory,
The victory and the majesty;
For all that is in heaven and in earth is Yours;
Yours is the kingdom, O LORD,
And You are exalted as head over all.
Both riches and honor come from You
And You reign over all.
In Your hand is power and might;
In Your hand it is to make great
And to give strength to all.
Now therefore, our God,
We thank You
And praise Your glorious name.
But who am I, and who are my people,
That we should be able to offer so willingly as this?
For all things come from You,
And of Your own we have given You.
For we are aliens and pilgrims before You...
O Lord our God, all this abundance that we have prepared to build You a house for Your holy name is from Your hand and is all Your own.
I know also, my God, that You test the heart and have pleasure in uprightness. As for me, in theuprightness of my heart, I have willingly offered all these things; and now with joy I have seen Your people, who are present here to offer willingly to You."
-1 Chronicles 29:11-17
God, how amazing and wonderful it is to offer everything back to You. You have freely given, I will freely give back.
Lord, it is so reassuring to know that provision and wealth do not come from striving, from my own works, or from me at all. No, riches and honor come from You. And I will do my best to honor You with my money, my time, and my life.
God, I trust You.
I don't trust me.
I don't trust my plans.
I don't trust human ambition.
I trust You. And I know that my life is in Your hands. And I know that where I go You will bless...or move me in another direction. You will provide. Also, I believe that You will abundantly provide that I may abundantly give.
I feel like the dreams that You've been putting on my heart and the season that is just around the corner is one of extravagance and abundance: abudant love, provision, and blessing.
I may not see it, understand it, or quite wrap my mind around it, but, God, I believe it!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Extravagant God
I feel like God has been trying to reshape my perception of Him. In fact, I think He's been trying to rip apart the little "box" I had Him in. Here I thought that my picture of God was "out of the box," but I guess I was wrong. As usual.
Lately, God has been telling me to dream. Not just dream, but to dream big, to dream extravagantly, and to dream impractically. Now, this whole "impractical" thing, hasn't gone over too well with me.
Wa-ai-ait...impractical? No, not me. I'm only going to go for what "makes sense" and fits the logical box. Why do you think I chose nursing? It's practical. It fits the mission field "box." It's a useful skill to have...it makes sense.
So, to have someone tell me to dream impractically...that's not so comfortable. It's no longer safe. In fact, it's freaking scary!
Who-ho-hoah!! Wait a second, but aren't You practical God? Right? Don't You do stuff that makes sense???? Like...um...okay...the crossing of the Red Sea, not very practical, building an ark, definitely not practical, walking around Jericho, that didn't make any sense...at all...um...300 Israelites against a bajillion of the enemy...makes no sense whatsoever...a kid fighting a giant, foolish, insane really...okay I give up!!!!!
I guess You're not as practical as I once thought.
But seriously, God, how the heck do my dreams fit together? I don't get it.
It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me to study art and music and theater and dance. I feel called to the mission field. Not the theater world. Besides, there's very few places a person can go as an actor or musician if they don't hit it big time. And I DEFINITELY don't feel called into that world. At all. Not that it's not appealing, I just feel as if You've told me "no." Forever. Enough said about that.
That, and I really don't want to be a teacher, which is about the only other place you can go with my passions.
God, it doesn't make sense!!!!!!! It seems like everyone who pursues their passions in the arts ends up working some lame job because they can't make enough money doing what they love. It's so IMPRACTICAL!!!!!
It doesn't make sense.
What I'm passionate about is so....impractical. It's "just because." There's no real use for it other than enjoyment. Yeah, some of it can be an expression of worship, but I don't see how I can go anywhere with it...yet that's all I think about it.
God, I'm confoozled.
But I trust You.
Lately, God has been telling me to dream. Not just dream, but to dream big, to dream extravagantly, and to dream impractically. Now, this whole "impractical" thing, hasn't gone over too well with me.
Wa-ai-ait...impractical? No, not me. I'm only going to go for what "makes sense" and fits the logical box. Why do you think I chose nursing? It's practical. It fits the mission field "box." It's a useful skill to have...it makes sense.
So, to have someone tell me to dream impractically...that's not so comfortable. It's no longer safe. In fact, it's freaking scary!
Who-ho-hoah!! Wait a second, but aren't You practical God? Right? Don't You do stuff that makes sense???? Like...um...okay...the crossing of the Red Sea, not very practical, building an ark, definitely not practical, walking around Jericho, that didn't make any sense...at all...um...300 Israelites against a bajillion of the enemy...makes no sense whatsoever...a kid fighting a giant, foolish, insane really...okay I give up!!!!!
I guess You're not as practical as I once thought.
But seriously, God, how the heck do my dreams fit together? I don't get it.
It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me to study art and music and theater and dance. I feel called to the mission field. Not the theater world. Besides, there's very few places a person can go as an actor or musician if they don't hit it big time. And I DEFINITELY don't feel called into that world. At all. Not that it's not appealing, I just feel as if You've told me "no." Forever. Enough said about that.
That, and I really don't want to be a teacher, which is about the only other place you can go with my passions.
God, it doesn't make sense!!!!!!! It seems like everyone who pursues their passions in the arts ends up working some lame job because they can't make enough money doing what they love. It's so IMPRACTICAL!!!!!
It doesn't make sense.
What I'm passionate about is so....impractical. It's "just because." There's no real use for it other than enjoyment. Yeah, some of it can be an expression of worship, but I don't see how I can go anywhere with it...yet that's all I think about it.
God, I'm confoozled.
But I trust You.
My Two New Life Verses
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
-Isaiah 43:18-19
"For He will come like a pent-up flood
that the breath of the Lord drives along."
-Isaiah 59:19
The first verse is so wonderful to me because there is such freedom in it. My past does not define me. What has happened before is gone and dead. I can leave it there.
The rest of the verses speak of freedom and hope. God is bringing refreshing to a barren desert. My life has been a barren desert for a long time. But He is bringing healing and life to a broken soul.
I love the second verse, because so many things in my life have felt pent up, boxed, and stagnant. But the dam is about to break, and my heart is about to be overwhelmed. Even now, I can feel the water begin to trickle on my face...Oh God, open the floodgates and let it rain!
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
-Isaiah 43:18-19
"For He will come like a pent-up flood
that the breath of the Lord drives along."
-Isaiah 59:19
The first verse is so wonderful to me because there is such freedom in it. My past does not define me. What has happened before is gone and dead. I can leave it there.
The rest of the verses speak of freedom and hope. God is bringing refreshing to a barren desert. My life has been a barren desert for a long time. But He is bringing healing and life to a broken soul.
I love the second verse, because so many things in my life have felt pent up, boxed, and stagnant. But the dam is about to break, and my heart is about to be overwhelmed. Even now, I can feel the water begin to trickle on my face...Oh God, open the floodgates and let it rain!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Perfect Christian...Part 2-The Idol
"Make a list of the "perfect you." He said.
I thought this was pretty strange, but God said do it, so I did. I wrote everything...from the ideal job, all the spiritual qualities and gifts, talents, skills, looks...everything. I wrote it and I brought it before the Lord, figuring He’d be impressed by the godly girl I was trying to be.
Then He said to me:
“You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint.
"Whom have you so dreaded and feared
that you have been false to me,
and have neither remembered me
nor pondered this in your hearts?
Is it not because I have long been silent
that you do not fear me?
I will expose your righteousness and your works,
and they will not benefit you.
When you cry out for help,
let your collection of idols save you!” (Isaiah 57:10-13)
I was shocked! “What do You mean? Me, idols? I don’t have any idols!!! AND what is wrong with my righteousness!!! I thought I was doing pretty good, if I do say so myself!!!!”
"You foolish, child! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes, Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" (Galatians 3:1-3)
In those moments, God exposed my “idol:” an idol that I was completely blind to. This girl, "perfection," was my god. I loved her. I sought her. I worshiped her.. More than anything, I wanted to be her. But she always eluded me. Every. Single. Time.
I thought I was being spiritual by trying so hard to be holy and perfect. However, holiness isn’t something that can be attained by striving. In fact, all striving does is estrange me from God. Galatians 5: 4 says, “You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.”
In my pursuit of perfection, I lost sight of Jesus, the only possible way to perfection. God showed me that it’s not about how hard I try, but how much I let Him love me and change me, and how much I learn to love Him, in return.
I thought this was pretty strange, but God said do it, so I did. I wrote everything...from the ideal job, all the spiritual qualities and gifts, talents, skills, looks...everything. I wrote it and I brought it before the Lord, figuring He’d be impressed by the godly girl I was trying to be.
Then He said to me:
“You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint.
"Whom have you so dreaded and feared
that you have been false to me,
and have neither remembered me
nor pondered this in your hearts?
Is it not because I have long been silent
that you do not fear me?
I will expose your righteousness and your works,
and they will not benefit you.
When you cry out for help,
let your collection of idols save you!” (Isaiah 57:10-13)
I was shocked! “What do You mean? Me, idols? I don’t have any idols!!! AND what is wrong with my righteousness!!! I thought I was doing pretty good, if I do say so myself!!!!”
"You foolish, child! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes, Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" (Galatians 3:1-3)
In those moments, God exposed my “idol:” an idol that I was completely blind to. This girl, "perfection," was my god. I loved her. I sought her. I worshiped her.. More than anything, I wanted to be her. But she always eluded me. Every. Single. Time.
I thought I was being spiritual by trying so hard to be holy and perfect. However, holiness isn’t something that can be attained by striving. In fact, all striving does is estrange me from God. Galatians 5: 4 says, “You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.”
In my pursuit of perfection, I lost sight of Jesus, the only possible way to perfection. God showed me that it’s not about how hard I try, but how much I let Him love me and change me, and how much I learn to love Him, in return.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Perfect Christian...Part 1
Have you ever thought about the "perfect you?" Or the "perfect Christian"? I know I have! I have this perfect image of the "perfect me."
You know, the one who is organized, neat, disciplined, exercises every day, eats super healthy all the time, is kind, encouraging, loving, always filled with the Holy Spirit, generous, faithful, has a great job, keeps a budget, has a fabulous wardrobe, has a ton of scripture memorized, never messes up on piano, keeps perfect rhythm, is never forgetful, is totally selfless and always looking to serve others.
Hmmm....the kind of person that just loves Jesus so much and loves everyone else, too. Yeah...the kind of person that God wants all of us to be...right?
Well, I had this mental image of the "perfect me," and I began to strive to be her. I worked hard, but rather than getting closer to my goal, I felt as if I was getting further away. I began to get frustrated. Why couldn't I achieve "perfect Christianity?" No matter how hard I tried, my failures loomed in my face. I just could not measure up. All the striving began to take its toll on my and my emotions took a turn for the worse. I was weary, depressed, and burdened. I was failing myself and even worse, I was failing God.
I couldn't worship, knowing that I had let God down. I couldn't pray, with the knowledge that I was a failure. The words in my Bible seemed empty...each one seemed to scream "hypocrite!" "failure!" "you'll never be good enough!" I would read about God's ideal for His children and think, "well that's just impossible."
Finally, I cried out to God, "Why am I always failing?!?! Why can I never measure up?!?! What do you want from me!?!?! Why are you always so disappointed in me?"
I waited Him to chew me out, to tell me to keep trying, and to work harder. But He surprised me. His answer wasn't exactly what I expected.
You know, the one who is organized, neat, disciplined, exercises every day, eats super healthy all the time, is kind, encouraging, loving, always filled with the Holy Spirit, generous, faithful, has a great job, keeps a budget, has a fabulous wardrobe, has a ton of scripture memorized, never messes up on piano, keeps perfect rhythm, is never forgetful, is totally selfless and always looking to serve others.
Hmmm....the kind of person that just loves Jesus so much and loves everyone else, too. Yeah...the kind of person that God wants all of us to be...right?
Well, I had this mental image of the "perfect me," and I began to strive to be her. I worked hard, but rather than getting closer to my goal, I felt as if I was getting further away. I began to get frustrated. Why couldn't I achieve "perfect Christianity?" No matter how hard I tried, my failures loomed in my face. I just could not measure up. All the striving began to take its toll on my and my emotions took a turn for the worse. I was weary, depressed, and burdened. I was failing myself and even worse, I was failing God.
I couldn't worship, knowing that I had let God down. I couldn't pray, with the knowledge that I was a failure. The words in my Bible seemed empty...each one seemed to scream "hypocrite!" "failure!" "you'll never be good enough!" I would read about God's ideal for His children and think, "well that's just impossible."
Finally, I cried out to God, "Why am I always failing?!?! Why can I never measure up?!?! What do you want from me!?!?! Why are you always so disappointed in me?"
I waited Him to chew me out, to tell me to keep trying, and to work harder. But He surprised me. His answer wasn't exactly what I expected.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Good morning, Lord!
I'm using this blog to journal, cause I don't know where mine is. :) It's kind of hard to find anything right now with the state of my room...Sage's stuff is everywhere, mine is everywhere.
Right now, I feel like You're calling me to do some extreme things. I've noticed that there's been a lot of compromise in my life lately. My standards are gradually becoming lower and lower. Sin is no longer offensive to me. It's become "the norm." I've settled into a lukewarm routine.
I've been avoiding doing what I think I should. I know deep in my heart what I need to do. But, I don't want to do it. I know that it requires discipline and sacrifice. In order for me to be completely and totally recklessly abandoned to You, I'm going to have to do what's difficult. I must take the leap of faith and rise to the challenge.
Every athlete knows that, in order to succeed, they must make sacrifices. They have to work for what they want. For a long time, I've been skimping on my work. I've tried to get by with the bare minimum and then become frustrated with the results. In my training both physically, mentally, and spiritually, I have not done my best. And I'm paying for it.
However, 2 Corinthians 9:6 says this, "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously."
What have I been sowing? What am I reaping? Am I reaping the rewards of a job done with my whole heart? Am I reaping the rewards of a disciplined and passionate life? Or am I reaping the rewards of one who has sown sparingly and hoped that the seed would magically double just because I said, "please."
In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
In order for me to love the Lord with "all my heart, mind, and strength," I'm going to have to make some serious changes.
1 Peter1:13-16 says, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
God demands that we do not live as everyone else does--self-sufficient, self-serving lives. The world is going one way, we're supposed to be going the opposite direction! We are NOT supposed to be walking the same exact road that leads to destruction while holding a wimpy little sign that says "Jesus loves you." We have the WRONG idea of what it means to be a Christ follower.
Christianity is not about warm-fuzzy feelings. Christianity is about a dramatic life change. Our relationship with Jesus should permeate every single area of our lives--waking, sleeping, eating, drinking, schooling, walking, talking, praying, laughing, crying....Christ should be in our entertainment as well as the mundane every day life. There's a lot more to Him that daily devotions or Sunday morning service.
We have fallen so far away from where God wants us to be. I have fallen so far away.
But, He's calling me back to Himself.
Isaiah 2:3 says "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to ther house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways so that we may walk in His paths."
Isaiah 55:6-7
"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his ways and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon."
Titus 2:11-14
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to so "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lves in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself up for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good."
God is putting before His people a challenge: a challenge to take the next step, to do what is right, to put their past behind them and go to the extreme. God longs for His people to step beyond mediocraty and lukewarm Christianity and to embrace a passionate, intense relationship with Himself. He longs for us to run HARD after Him with our whole hearts. He's weary of half-heartedness and compromise.
Joshua 24:16
"Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
God, bring me to a place of complete and total surrender
I'm using this blog to journal, cause I don't know where mine is. :) It's kind of hard to find anything right now with the state of my room...Sage's stuff is everywhere, mine is everywhere.
It's rather chaotic. But, it's been fun!
Thank You for the wonderful week its been. There has been a lot of fun stuff we've done. It's been really enjoyable. Thank You for Your incredible blessings for us. God, You are soooooo good to me.Right now, I feel like You're calling me to do some extreme things. I've noticed that there's been a lot of compromise in my life lately. My standards are gradually becoming lower and lower. Sin is no longer offensive to me. It's become "the norm." I've settled into a lukewarm routine.
I've been avoiding doing what I think I should. I know deep in my heart what I need to do. But, I don't want to do it. I know that it requires discipline and sacrifice. In order for me to be completely and totally recklessly abandoned to You, I'm going to have to do what's difficult. I must take the leap of faith and rise to the challenge.
Every athlete knows that, in order to succeed, they must make sacrifices. They have to work for what they want. For a long time, I've been skimping on my work. I've tried to get by with the bare minimum and then become frustrated with the results. In my training both physically, mentally, and spiritually, I have not done my best. And I'm paying for it.
However, 2 Corinthians 9:6 says this, "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously."
What have I been sowing? What am I reaping? Am I reaping the rewards of a job done with my whole heart? Am I reaping the rewards of a disciplined and passionate life? Or am I reaping the rewards of one who has sown sparingly and hoped that the seed would magically double just because I said, "please."
In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
In order for me to love the Lord with "all my heart, mind, and strength," I'm going to have to make some serious changes.
1 Peter1:13-16 says, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
God demands that we do not live as everyone else does--self-sufficient, self-serving lives. The world is going one way, we're supposed to be going the opposite direction! We are NOT supposed to be walking the same exact road that leads to destruction while holding a wimpy little sign that says "Jesus loves you." We have the WRONG idea of what it means to be a Christ follower.
Christianity is not about warm-fuzzy feelings. Christianity is about a dramatic life change. Our relationship with Jesus should permeate every single area of our lives--waking, sleeping, eating, drinking, schooling, walking, talking, praying, laughing, crying....Christ should be in our entertainment as well as the mundane every day life. There's a lot more to Him that daily devotions or Sunday morning service.
We have fallen so far away from where God wants us to be. I have fallen so far away.
But, He's calling me back to Himself.
Isaiah 2:3 says "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to ther house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us His ways so that we may walk in His paths."
Isaiah 55:6-7
"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his ways and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon."
Titus 2:11-14
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to so "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lves in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself up for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good."
God is putting before His people a challenge: a challenge to take the next step, to do what is right, to put their past behind them and go to the extreme. God longs for His people to step beyond mediocraty and lukewarm Christianity and to embrace a passionate, intense relationship with Himself. He longs for us to run HARD after Him with our whole hearts. He's weary of half-heartedness and compromise.
Joshua 24:16
"Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
God, bring me to a place of complete and total surrender
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Living In Christ
Dear God,
Things always work better when I go to You first. Decisions, plans, everyday life...even my devotions, they flow smoother when I come to You first. Holy Spirit, come and fill me. I need You. Its amazing how easy it is to become complacent...also, how easy it is to forget just how much I love and need You. But, when I'm not with You, I miss You. A lot.
Lord, I don't want to live the silly, ridiculous, worry-filled life I've lived for so long. I don't want to grope around in the dark, wondering what the heck am I doing. God, I want to know You. I want to be close to You. I want to know the sound of Your heartbeat.
Colossians 2:6-7
"So, then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness."
Notice, the very first thing is receiving Christ. When people first receive Christ, they generally go through a "spiritual high." The world is now incredible. Although....after awhile, life no longer seems as rosy and beautiful. Reality sets in with problems, frustrations, and not-so-fun emotions. The God who was so close, now seems distant, quiet, and if He's abandoned you. What happened to the wonderful warm-fuzzies????
Notice that Paul is talking to those who have already received Christ. Next, he instructs them to "continue to live in Him." Living in Christ is a process. As with most things, our relationship with Christ requires continual upkeep. We tend to put a minimal amount of time into Him and expect Him to meet our every need and desire. It doesn't work like that. God cares more about our relationship with Him than making our life perfect. This relationship needs tending. Daily devotion and discipline are part of the equation. Living in Christ is not a one time decision that a person makes at camp or a mission trip and forgets about. It's a process.
Another aspect of living in Christ is "being rooted." Many of us have heard the analogy of a tree. The strongest trees are the ones that have to dig deep into the earth for water. Their roots push harder and harder searching for life. That same concept applies to us. We cannot be surface-level Christians and expect dramatic spiritual things in our life.
Jeremiah 29:13-14 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you..."
We have to seek, though. God only reveals Himself to those who want Him.
Along with being rooted and having a firm foundation, God wants us to be built up. Having roots speaks of our foundation--where we stand. Being built up speaks of moving and of growing. God doesn't want us to just have that firm foundation and to stay in one place. It's easy for us to get caught up in our "Christianity." It's easy to become stagnant. But that is not God's heart for us. His desire that we continually grow, change, and learn new things.
Many times, I get so fed up with myself and my own weaknesses. Once again, God's desire for me is not that. Paul says that we are to be, "strengthened in the faith." God is my strength. He gives me faith so that I can have strength and walk in righteousness. When I feel as if I can't go on, I can have strength--not of myself, but of Christ.
Finally, Paul says to "be overflowing with thankfulness." Many times when I'm frustrated, I'll mumble half-heartedly, "Thank You, Jesus for my circumstances." But I don't mean it. Those are just words. God wants me to genuinely overflowing with thankfulness--meaning, I have way MORE than enough. How can I be overflowing with thankfulness, if I'm grumbling or complaining? Part of growing in Christ is learning how to be completely thankful in all circumstances and to delight in God for who He is...not because He's made my life perfect.
God, I ask that You would do these things in my heart. You would give me deep roots, build me up, strengthen me, and help me to overflow with thankfulness. God, You are so good to me. Give me eyes to see Your goodness everywhere. Help me to focus on what You want me to focus on...and not what I want.
God, I confess, I'm pretty frustrated with some things right now. But, I want to lay those at Your feet and give them completely to You. You are my God, my hope, my life. I thank You for my situation and my circumstances. I thank You for working in my life, even when I cannot see it. Thank You that You are faithful and that You love me.
I love You.
Love,
Me
Things always work better when I go to You first. Decisions, plans, everyday life...even my devotions, they flow smoother when I come to You first. Holy Spirit, come and fill me. I need You. Its amazing how easy it is to become complacent...also, how easy it is to forget just how much I love and need You. But, when I'm not with You, I miss You. A lot.
Lord, I don't want to live the silly, ridiculous, worry-filled life I've lived for so long. I don't want to grope around in the dark, wondering what the heck am I doing. God, I want to know You. I want to be close to You. I want to know the sound of Your heartbeat.
Colossians 2:6-7
"So, then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness."
Notice, the very first thing is receiving Christ. When people first receive Christ, they generally go through a "spiritual high." The world is now incredible. Although....after awhile, life no longer seems as rosy and beautiful. Reality sets in with problems, frustrations, and not-so-fun emotions. The God who was so close, now seems distant, quiet, and if He's abandoned you. What happened to the wonderful warm-fuzzies????
Notice that Paul is talking to those who have already received Christ. Next, he instructs them to "continue to live in Him." Living in Christ is a process. As with most things, our relationship with Christ requires continual upkeep. We tend to put a minimal amount of time into Him and expect Him to meet our every need and desire. It doesn't work like that. God cares more about our relationship with Him than making our life perfect. This relationship needs tending. Daily devotion and discipline are part of the equation. Living in Christ is not a one time decision that a person makes at camp or a mission trip and forgets about. It's a process.
Another aspect of living in Christ is "being rooted." Many of us have heard the analogy of a tree. The strongest trees are the ones that have to dig deep into the earth for water. Their roots push harder and harder searching for life. That same concept applies to us. We cannot be surface-level Christians and expect dramatic spiritual things in our life.
Jeremiah 29:13-14 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you..."
We have to seek, though. God only reveals Himself to those who want Him.
Along with being rooted and having a firm foundation, God wants us to be built up. Having roots speaks of our foundation--where we stand. Being built up speaks of moving and of growing. God doesn't want us to just have that firm foundation and to stay in one place. It's easy for us to get caught up in our "Christianity." It's easy to become stagnant. But that is not God's heart for us. His desire that we continually grow, change, and learn new things.
Many times, I get so fed up with myself and my own weaknesses. Once again, God's desire for me is not that. Paul says that we are to be, "strengthened in the faith." God is my strength. He gives me faith so that I can have strength and walk in righteousness. When I feel as if I can't go on, I can have strength--not of myself, but of Christ.
Finally, Paul says to "be overflowing with thankfulness." Many times when I'm frustrated, I'll mumble half-heartedly, "Thank You, Jesus for my circumstances." But I don't mean it. Those are just words. God wants me to genuinely overflowing with thankfulness--meaning, I have way MORE than enough. How can I be overflowing with thankfulness, if I'm grumbling or complaining? Part of growing in Christ is learning how to be completely thankful in all circumstances and to delight in God for who He is...not because He's made my life perfect.
God, I ask that You would do these things in my heart. You would give me deep roots, build me up, strengthen me, and help me to overflow with thankfulness. God, You are so good to me. Give me eyes to see Your goodness everywhere. Help me to focus on what You want me to focus on...and not what I want.
God, I confess, I'm pretty frustrated with some things right now. But, I want to lay those at Your feet and give them completely to You. You are my God, my hope, my life. I thank You for my situation and my circumstances. I thank You for working in my life, even when I cannot see it. Thank You that You are faithful and that You love me.
I love You.
Love,
Me
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Prayer
God,
It feels so foolish to ask for help, for forgiveness, and a new start. Once again, I've messed up. It seems no matter how hard I try, I always end up in the same predicament. I never get out of this rut...sometimes I make a start, but I always end up back on my face, stuck in the mud. Again.
God, I've been struggling with this for over two years. I just don't know how to get free. I just don't know how to walk in freedom. God, what is it I need to do to no longer be entangled? How do I get out?
Also, I've been thinking about hard hearts. I know that somewhere it talks about wilfull sin and the heart being hardened. What have I been doing but wilfull sin?
I tend to to think that once I mess up I need to do some rigorous discipline to make up for it...but every time I try I end up even worse than I started. God, this is so disheartening. I get discouraged so easily when I live like this. What is it You want for me? How is it You want me to live? And how do I do it?
God, please lead me! Show me the answers and may they permeate my heart. I no longer want head knowledge. I have a lot of that. I want heart knowledge. I want to know Your truth. I want Your truth to change my life.
Hebrews 3:7-8
"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."
1 Thessalonians 3:133
"May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones."
Please, Jesus, HELP ME!
Love,
Katelyn
It feels so foolish to ask for help, for forgiveness, and a new start. Once again, I've messed up. It seems no matter how hard I try, I always end up in the same predicament. I never get out of this rut...sometimes I make a start, but I always end up back on my face, stuck in the mud. Again.
God, I've been struggling with this for over two years. I just don't know how to get free. I just don't know how to walk in freedom. God, what is it I need to do to no longer be entangled? How do I get out?
Also, I've been thinking about hard hearts. I know that somewhere it talks about wilfull sin and the heart being hardened. What have I been doing but wilfull sin?
I tend to to think that once I mess up I need to do some rigorous discipline to make up for it...but every time I try I end up even worse than I started. God, this is so disheartening. I get discouraged so easily when I live like this. What is it You want for me? How is it You want me to live? And how do I do it?
God, please lead me! Show me the answers and may they permeate my heart. I no longer want head knowledge. I have a lot of that. I want heart knowledge. I want to know Your truth. I want Your truth to change my life.
Hebrews 3:7-8
"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."
1 Thessalonians 3:133
"May he strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones."
Please, Jesus, HELP ME!
Love,
Katelyn
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