Have you ever thought about the "perfect you?" Or the "perfect Christian"? I know I have! I have this perfect image of the "perfect me."
You know, the one who is organized, neat, disciplined, exercises every day, eats super healthy all the time, is kind, encouraging, loving, always filled with the Holy Spirit, generous, faithful, has a great job, keeps a budget, has a fabulous wardrobe, has a ton of scripture memorized, never messes up on piano, keeps perfect rhythm, is never forgetful, is totally selfless and always looking to serve others.
Hmmm....the kind of person that just loves Jesus so much and loves everyone else, too. Yeah...the kind of person that God wants all of us to be...right?
Well, I had this mental image of the "perfect me," and I began to strive to be her. I worked hard, but rather than getting closer to my goal, I felt as if I was getting further away. I began to get frustrated. Why couldn't I achieve "perfect Christianity?" No matter how hard I tried, my failures loomed in my face. I just could not measure up. All the striving began to take its toll on my and my emotions took a turn for the worse. I was weary, depressed, and burdened. I was failing myself and even worse, I was failing God.
I couldn't worship, knowing that I had let God down. I couldn't pray, with the knowledge that I was a failure. The words in my Bible seemed empty...each one seemed to scream "hypocrite!" "failure!" "you'll never be good enough!" I would read about God's ideal for His children and think, "well that's just impossible."
Finally, I cried out to God, "Why am I always failing?!?! Why can I never measure up?!?! What do you want from me!?!?! Why are you always so disappointed in me?"
I waited Him to chew me out, to tell me to keep trying, and to work harder. But He surprised me. His answer wasn't exactly what I expected.
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