Rest, Wait, Knock

To make a long story short, I went to Seattle this week because God said, "go." It's kind of been a "knocking on doors" trip, so to speak. I still don't have all the answers I necessarily hoped for, but it's been a pretty amazing trip so far.
I think the thing that the Holy Spirit is most trying to teach me--and I confess, I haven't learned very well--is to rest in Him because He knows what He's doing. I feel as if I have to have every last detail figured out and the fact that the future is a mystery is both overwhelming and frustrating to me. Nevertheless, the future will ALWAYS be a mystery, even if I think I have it all figured out. After all, it's impossible to fully know what tomorrow holds.
So, even though it goes against every natural instinct in me, I am going to rest.
Knock. Wait. Rest.
Rest in the knocking.
Rest in the waiting.
Rest in the unknown.
Rest in the mystery
I'm going to rest in the God who knows what He's doing.

Late Night Contemplations

You know that feeling when there's so much on your mind that you can't think straight? You can't decide if you feel overwhelmed, stressed, tired, lonely, happy, angry, depressed, unsure, or some other emotion you can't currently think of. Yeah, me too. It's moments like these when God often seems distant and far off. That's when I wonder, "God, does any of this matter to You? Do I matter to You? Really? Why am I even here?" I have, more times than I can count, screamed inwardly at Him these and other questions and demanded answers. Each time, He'll answer...it's just whether or not I will take the time to hear it.


A friend once prayed for me that I would be able to ask God these questions not simply in the heat of my frustration with an accusatory "prove it" attitude, but with a quiet spirit, while sitting at His feet. When she said that, I imagined a little girl crawling up on her daddy's lap with a sense of wonder and excitement. "Daddy," she says, "Do you love me?" "Am I beautiful?""Am I a princess?" "How much do you love me?" She knows the answers. She knows what he's going to say. But she wants to hear it. She wants to hear him say it.

And when she asks those questions, he loves answering them.

So tonight, I'm not going to do the whole temper tantrum scream at the sky thing. Oh, I'll ask the hard questions that have been plaguing my heart. But first, I'm going to crawl up onto my Daddy's lap, snuggle in close, and say, "Daddy, tell me again. How much do you love me?"

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.  -Jeremiah 31:3 

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! -1 John 3:1

...how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...this love that surpasses knowledge. -Ephesians 3:18-19

Shut up and Rest

Last night I drove home from work and vented my frustrations to the Lord. Why does He always put me in situations where my character has to be tested? Really, couldn't He just give me what I want when I want it for once? I realize how egotistical and selfish that last statement sounds...that probably has to something to do with the state of my heart. As I complained that He was taking too long, He ever so simply, in His sweet, wonderful way said, "Praise." As much as I didn't want to (I've been learned that arguing is futile), I consented. Ever so surely, I was brought back to a place of humility and reminded that a) God is still God, b) He does love me c) He does know what He's doing d) all He's called me to do right now is rest.
Be still.
Rest.
Wait.
Shhh...don't speak. Just rest.
For someone who is pro at freaking out at things she shouldn't freak out about, this is somewhat difficult. But slowly and surely, I'm learning to be still and rest.
2 Chronicles 20:17 "You do not have to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord."
If I'm constantly trying to figure it out or make it happen on my own, I'll never be able to see what God's doing or the way He's going to show up. The only way I can is if I shut up and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."
The Israelites simply didn't get it. And sometimes I don't really either. I don't want it to be said of me, "I offered you all this, 'but you would have none of it.'" I like the "and you will see the salvation of the Lord" verse better. Which version I get to experience is kind of up to me, though, isn't it?
So, I think I'm going to listen this time. I guess that means I'd better stop writing, shut up, and rest.

Zephaniah 3:17

A dear friend wrote this song based on the verse below. I had forgotten about it, until I found it just a minute ago. It hit my heart, because I was feeling particularly sad at the moment. Here it is:

The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior...he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17 (NAS and ESV)

Come to Me, My love
for I'm strong and I'm mighty
Receive from Me, weak one
True rest for your soul

Take My yoke, My love
It’s light and quite pleasant
Receive the grace I give
Find real rest for your soul
(Matthew 11:28-30)

Abide in Me, My love
For I am the true vine
Receive from Me, My branch
Your life and your fruit

Depend on Me, My son
I have already cleansed you
Abide in My great love
From Me comes Your fruit

(John 15:1-5)

Rest in Me, My child
For I am a warrior
Receive from me, small one
the joy that I give

Trust in Me, My love
To fight your battles for you
Allow me in, My joy
to shout songs over you

Come to Me, Rest in Me, Abide in Me, My child
Receive My love, from above, listen as I sing

I am a warrior, who fights your battles for you
I am a warrior, who treads down your foes
I am a warrior, who shouts and sings over you
I am a warrior, who quiets you by My love

Who I am is all that you need
Who I am is all that you need