An Unexpected Visitor

Some things in life simply show up in places you don’t expect them to. Like, the ten dollars you lost two years ago showing up in the pocket of your sister’s ski jacket; or the picture of your five year old self streaking in the grass suddenly appearing on the front of the refrigerator; or (my favorite) the lengthy journal entry you wrote about your brother's dreamy friend making it into your brother's hands. Mmhmm...about that...
Likewise, when some of my heart junk was suddenly pasted to the refrigerator and exposed for what it actually was, I was little surprised. The appearance of pride in my life was something that I thought had been gone for awhile. When I think of pride, I think of arrogance, hotheadedness, egotism, and other such belligerent attitudes. However, that's not always the case. Often--possibly more often than not--pride is subtle. At least, it is in my case.
When I first read this verse, I didn’t immediately think PRIDE, until I read it again slowly and the Holy Spirit illumined some things to me.
James 1:21-22 "Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
Humbly accept the word. This is key. To humbly accept the word of God (meaning the Bible and the whatever He personally asks you to do) means that you don’t try to change the word. You don’t try to fit the word to your box of acceptable things that you want to hear. You don’t try to get around the word or find some way to not obey it. You accept it with humility, recognizing that the word of the Lord is fitting. It’s fitting for what you need to hear that day, in that moment. We must humble ourselves and accept whatever it is God is saying to us. And then, we must obey. Hearing the word isn’t enough. It’s important—it’s impossible to obey, if we don’t first hear—but it doesn’t stop there. We must act on what we’ve heard.
You see, when we choose to not obey the word of God, we’re deceiving ourselves. We’re basically saying to God, “ya know what? Thanks for the advice, but I got this. It sounds like a great idea, but maybe not so much for me right now.” Now, we may not be thinking this in our minds, when we choose to ignore the word of God, but this is what’s going on. Our actions are basically saying to God that we think we know better. That’s what the Bible calls PRIDE.
God hates pride. Proverbs 8:13 “To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.” Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:5 “The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.” Need I say more?
I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want pride in my life. Choosing to ignore the word of God and not be obedient is, honestly, what I was doing. There’s a saying “ignorance is bliss” that’s because “with knowledge comes responsibility.” Once we know what we must know, we’re fooling ourselves to think that we can get away without doing it and not be held responsible. James 4: 17 says “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.” Once we’ve heard, we must obey. I was deceiving myself into believe that I was in a better place than I was…I would be obedient later. The problem with later is that it never actually comes. Today is the day to stop making excuses. Lay down our pride. And obey.
Lord, give me the grace to be obedient to You, to walk with You, to follow You, to serve You. I choose to give my heart to You, to be obedient to You. Keep me accountable to that choice…give me the grace to walk it out. Keep me from willing sin, Lord. Purify my heart. Make me new.

Humility? Eh...

Confession:
Sometimes I hate it that the Lord knows me so well.
Sometimes it drives me crazy when He starts revealing things in my heart.
Sometimes I can't stand it that He's right.
Theme for the day? Pride.
I went on walk this morning, and the Lord started showing me that the reason I'm struggling with sin is that I have this unwillingness to truly submit to Him and submit to authority, even if it's just simple things. I keep wanting to do things my own way and am unwilling to change. Even though I want to change with almost everything within me. Twisted, I know.
I decided that I didn't really feel like dealing with pride today, so I ignored it and went along in my miserable little way, feeling sorry for myself that my life isn't so dandy. And then I did this Bible study online and what was the subject? Oh, yes. Pride.
I hate it when He does that.
And yet...the mere fact that He's bringing this up means that it's important. And it means that He loves me enough to not let me get away with that which is destroying my soul. So, even though it frustrates me that He exposes my heart and wants to deal with the garbage that's in there, it means that He loves me. The Bible says that the Lord "disciplines those whom He loves." It's an act of love, even if it doesn't feel like it.
And I guess the fact that I'm so resistant to this subject shows just how correct He is in bringing it up. Sigh.
Okay, Daddy, I guess this means that I have more to learn (go figure), and more to let You do in me (surprise, surprise). So, even though I feel virtually incapable of actually humbling myself, and so totally stuck in my prideful patterns...here I am. I want to be humble before You and I know that I need You. A lot. So...here I am. That's a good place to start, right?

Righteousness by Faith

Psalm 37:39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
For some reason this verse really stuck out to me tonight. Maybe it's because I am always trying to earn my way to favor with God. I think that if I'm perfect, God will love me more. Or if I'm perfect, I will be more acceptable. Thus, it sends me on this destructive path of striving, striving, and more striving and simply leaves me empty, broken, and really worn out.
But Ephesians 2:8-10 says that it is "by grace I have been saved, through faith--and this not from myself, it is a gift of God--not by works so that no one can boast. For I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do."
It is God who does the work in me.
I do not save myself.
I do not make myself righteous.
I cannot earn my way to Him.
So, why, oh why do I keep trying?

Hope for the Cynic

So, basically, I am the most hopeless romantic. Ever. And it's a very refreshing feeling, actually, as I have been in a rather long and arduous season of cynicism and disgust at the male species. I was seriously considering celibacy for awhile simply so I wouldn't have to ever deal with boys again. Except that I knew that I would still have to deal with them and that wouldn't actually solve my problem as I really do not want to be celibate for the rest of my life.
As I was saying, I am about as ridiculously romantic as they come. Tonight, at Spirit Bearer--the Bible study/worship/prayer group I go to on Friday nights--one of the leaders was talking about what she loves about her husband and how he's been the best possible person for her to walk with for 11 years and help her grow and how he's really a hero to her and I almost started crying. And deep inside of me this little bubble formed inside of me of hope. "Maybe there is hope for me to have a wonderful Jesus-centered marriage after all..."
The fact is, I've been really burned out on being around sucky marriages filled with fighting and frustration. "If that's marriage," I thought, "Then I don't want it." Detect a little cynicism? Yeah, marriage is hard. But it's good, too. At least it is the way God designed it. If God wants what is best for me, doesn't that mean He wants to give me an amazing marriage, one day, too?
I suppose that makes sense, it's just hard for me to believe, sometimes. But tonight, I felt something that I hadn't in awhile. Hope. And not just that...but actually the desire for marriage. Before it's always been, "I want the warm fuzzies of a relationship but don't want to deal with all the other stuff." But now, I kinda sorta am starting to really crave that kind of deep love and intimacy, the willingness to walk through thick and thin together and keep loving.
First, my source is from God. That's where I'm going for that love...but someday, when the time is right, I know that marriage will actually be a good thing.

Simple Calling

I was sitting at Kebaba today, talking with my friend Julia who is recently back from college. It was a good time--we chatted about life, and goals, and callings, and motorcycles...it was just a time of encouragement and uplifting.
As I left, I pondered the whole "callings" thing. I tend to think of life callings as something big, flashy, or glamorous. Or super spiritual. One or the other. Or both. But I almost never think of callings as small things.
But I'm starting to realize, that it's in the small things, that God's calling becomes most evident. For example, God has called me to write Hosea, but He's also called me to finish school, to be a friend, a sister, a nanny...etc. As I was talking with Julia, I realized that one of the most important callings He's given me is simply that of being a friend. Listening to, talking with, encouraging, crying with, laughing with...these are all aspects of being a friend. And these are all ridiculously important to God.
Sometimes the call of God isn't glamorous, flashy, or even obvious. In fact, so often we look for what we think our calling should be--for example, it seems very noble to be a missionary in a foreign country or to be a pastor, shouldn't that be my calling? Isn't it what's the hardest and most difficult road? While it's true that sometimes God's calling is the hardest, most challenging, and most stretching thing we can think, sometimes it's not. In fact, sometimes it's the very thing that comes most naturally.
Sitting in a coffee shop or eater, chatting about life, is the most natural thing in the world to me. And that's just as much a part of my calling as it is for pastor's to preach or missionaries to travel. It's just as much a part of my calling as writing Hosea.
Sometimes, what God is calling us to do isn't what we expect. It's not to go anywhere, or preach anything, or teach anyone. Sometime's it's simply to be who He created you to be right where you are and love the people in your life right where you're at.
And you know what? That's enough.