Hope for the Cynic

So, basically, I am the most hopeless romantic. Ever. And it's a very refreshing feeling, actually, as I have been in a rather long and arduous season of cynicism and disgust at the male species. I was seriously considering celibacy for awhile simply so I wouldn't have to ever deal with boys again. Except that I knew that I would still have to deal with them and that wouldn't actually solve my problem as I really do not want to be celibate for the rest of my life.
As I was saying, I am about as ridiculously romantic as they come. Tonight, at Spirit Bearer--the Bible study/worship/prayer group I go to on Friday nights--one of the leaders was talking about what she loves about her husband and how he's been the best possible person for her to walk with for 11 years and help her grow and how he's really a hero to her and I almost started crying. And deep inside of me this little bubble formed inside of me of hope. "Maybe there is hope for me to have a wonderful Jesus-centered marriage after all..."
The fact is, I've been really burned out on being around sucky marriages filled with fighting and frustration. "If that's marriage," I thought, "Then I don't want it." Detect a little cynicism? Yeah, marriage is hard. But it's good, too. At least it is the way God designed it. If God wants what is best for me, doesn't that mean He wants to give me an amazing marriage, one day, too?
I suppose that makes sense, it's just hard for me to believe, sometimes. But tonight, I felt something that I hadn't in awhile. Hope. And not just that...but actually the desire for marriage. Before it's always been, "I want the warm fuzzies of a relationship but don't want to deal with all the other stuff." But now, I kinda sorta am starting to really crave that kind of deep love and intimacy, the willingness to walk through thick and thin together and keep loving.
First, my source is from God. That's where I'm going for that love...but someday, when the time is right, I know that marriage will actually be a good thing.