Lately, I have been messy. Not cluttery, disorganized messy (though that often comes with this kind of mess)--rather emotionally messy. I feel weak and vulnerable and unable to handle the constant stress that is being thrown my way. My job is beyond stressful. I constantly have to remind myself of why I'm working, why I'm saving, and why I'm doing what I'm doing...I just feel wrecked for everything other than work. I hate feeling like work is my life. It's not that I dislike my job; I enjoy it while I'm there. But it takes all my energy so that I'm giving second best to that which I care most about--writing, ministry, my family, relationships, Kosovo planning etc.
And I feel like the thing that's been sucked away most is my secret place time. The time that matters more than anything that I do is my time with Jesus, seeking His heart, seeking His face. And I'll be honest, I feel angry about it. I know that my attitude and my response is not right, but I feel angry. Stress is hard on the body and the emotions. Plus it tends to bring out the worst in people. I'm not very excited about some of the stuff that's coming out of my heart right now, to be honest.
And yet the Word of God says to give thanks in ALL circumstances. That means when I'm frustrated, when I'm tired, when I don't have anything to offer, when I'm angry, when I'm messy, when people are really rude to me at work and treat me like I'm nothing, when I want to respond in like manner...that's when I am to give thanks. I believe that God is faithful, that there is power in thanksgiving, and there is power in praise. Even if the only thing it does is change my perspective. Because no matter what, He is still God. And He is still good. And He's still worthy of ALL my praise ALL the time.
One of my favorite songs is by Casey Parnell. The chorus is brilliant:
He is my solid rock
The truth is found in Him
I am standing here cleansed and forgiven
When all around me fails
When all is sinking sand
My feet are steady here
I've found my way, my truth in Him.
This isn't meant to be a self-pity blog, because it's not. I could list a hundred reasons I have to be incredibly thankful. Rather, it's me being vulnerable and honest about where I'm at. There's no brilliant theme or thesis to this blog post--or much structure. And yet in the middle of my ramblings and adrenaline letdown, one thing I know: my Rock is immovable, my Rock is good, my Rock is Jesus. And my feet are steady here. Always.
And I feel like the thing that's been sucked away most is my secret place time. The time that matters more than anything that I do is my time with Jesus, seeking His heart, seeking His face. And I'll be honest, I feel angry about it. I know that my attitude and my response is not right, but I feel angry. Stress is hard on the body and the emotions. Plus it tends to bring out the worst in people. I'm not very excited about some of the stuff that's coming out of my heart right now, to be honest.
And yet the Word of God says to give thanks in ALL circumstances. That means when I'm frustrated, when I'm tired, when I don't have anything to offer, when I'm angry, when I'm messy, when people are really rude to me at work and treat me like I'm nothing, when I want to respond in like manner...that's when I am to give thanks. I believe that God is faithful, that there is power in thanksgiving, and there is power in praise. Even if the only thing it does is change my perspective. Because no matter what, He is still God. And He is still good. And He's still worthy of ALL my praise ALL the time.
One of my favorite songs is by Casey Parnell. The chorus is brilliant:
He is my solid rock
The truth is found in Him
I am standing here cleansed and forgiven
When all around me fails
When all is sinking sand
My feet are steady here
I've found my way, my truth in Him.
This isn't meant to be a self-pity blog, because it's not. I could list a hundred reasons I have to be incredibly thankful. Rather, it's me being vulnerable and honest about where I'm at. There's no brilliant theme or thesis to this blog post--or much structure. And yet in the middle of my ramblings and adrenaline letdown, one thing I know: my Rock is immovable, my Rock is good, my Rock is Jesus. And my feet are steady here. Always.
No comments:
Post a Comment