Slow and Steady Wins the Race, eh?

Well things are coming along slowly but surely, but they're coming! I'm getting really close to buying my plane ticket. This week, I think! I've had some very generous offers from quite a few people.

A friend, who has a roofing business, has offered to donate a large percentage of the profits from a roofing job. If there's anyone who would like a new roof and to help a good cause, please let me know! Another lady, who I actually haven't even met, has offered to throw me a jewelry party to help raise money. I also have a fundraiser in the works for July 27th. So stay tuned, I'd love if you'd get involved in one way or another!

I'm amazed and blessed by the generosity of so many people. I sometimes get overwhelmed by how far I have to go, but I know that God is in this and God has NOT given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. So thank you, everyone has blessed me with prayers, words of encouragement, and love.

And if it's on your heart to donate, you can send a tax deductible donation to:

Mission Church
2221 NE 3rd ST.
Bend, OR
97702

PLEASE put Kosovo Arts Project in the memo and not my name.

Or you can donate online here.

Thank you all!
Love,
Katelyn

Revisiting some truth

I found this tonight...and re-read it. Oh, how timely is this! My circumstances are a little different, but my heart is in the same place...striving, worry, fear. And the Lord's response is still the same. Written over a year and half ago, it's as applicable as if I wrote it yesterday. So let's revisit some truth...

February 28, 2011

Go Figure


I sometimes refer to myself as "one who is professional at freaking at things that I shouldn't freak out about." Tonight, this staunch career was in full force as I mentally wrestled with an overloaded mind (making sleep incredibly elusive.) An overbooked schedule, work, school, Bible studies, worship meetings, future school, travel, how to make money for travel, plans, thoughts, ideas...and a sore throat all plagued my throbbing noggin. As I lay in a tub of steaming water (I had to calm myself down somehow!), I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, "Is all this really your responsibility?"

"Yes, God." was my snippy response, "If I don't take care of all this, who will?"

Once more, "Katelyn, is all this really your responsibility?"

When He asks questions again, that generally means my answer was wrong the first time. However, never one to be easily dissuaded: "I'm not sure You understand, I have to do all this stuff. I have to have it figured out. I have to have a plan!"

"Oh? And all this is your responsibility, is it? And just where do I fit in?"

"Well...umm..." I stuttered mindlessly for a moment. He waited while I fumbled for words, before speaking, ever so tenderly.

"Don't you trust that I can take care of you? And I don't actually need your help."

I wanted to argue on about my responsibility and how I needed to take care of things, but I was starting to see that it was pointless. After all, this is the Creator of the Universe. I guess it makes sense when He tells me that He doesn't actually need my help. Go figure.

In my mind, I saw a picture of huge storehouses of wealth--filled with way more money and resources than I could even imagine. And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "Just ask. All of these resources are at your fingertips. All you have to do is ask."

I've been freaking out about how on earth I'm going to pay my bills and get to Europe and pay for school and all of the traveling I want to do unless I work 70 hours a week for the next six months (in addition to school and ministry), all the while forgetting that my Dad has all the resources in the world. Literally. And when I'm walking with Him, He'll make a way, He'll open doors, and He'll provide all that I need. Oh, and He doesn't actually need my help. 

Go figure.

Hebrews 4:16

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Luke 11:8-10

 "Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door is opened."

Philippians 4:19

And My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

My feet are steady here

Lately, I have been messy. Not cluttery, disorganized messy (though that often comes with this kind of mess)--rather emotionally messy. I feel weak and vulnerable and unable to handle the constant stress that is being thrown my way. My job is beyond stressful. I constantly have to remind myself of why I'm working, why I'm saving, and why I'm doing what I'm doing...I just feel wrecked for everything other than work. I hate feeling like work is my life. It's not that I dislike my job; I enjoy it while I'm there. But it takes all my energy so that I'm giving second best to that which I care most about--writing, ministry, my family, relationships, Kosovo planning etc.

And I feel like the thing that's been sucked away most is my secret place time. The time that matters more than anything that I do is my time with Jesus, seeking His heart, seeking His face. And I'll be honest, I feel angry about it. I know that my attitude and my response is not right, but I feel angry. Stress is hard on the body and the emotions. Plus it tends to bring out the worst in people. I'm not very excited about some of the stuff that's coming out of my heart right now, to be honest.

And yet the Word of God says to give thanks in ALL circumstances. That means when I'm frustrated, when I'm tired, when I don't have anything to offer, when I'm angry, when I'm messy, when people are really rude to me at work and treat me like I'm nothing, when I want to respond in like manner...that's when I am to give thanks. I believe that God is faithful, that there is power in thanksgiving, and there is power in praise. Even if the only thing it does is change my perspective. Because no matter what, He is still God. And He is still good. And He's still worthy of ALL my praise ALL the time.

One of my favorite songs is by Casey Parnell. The chorus is brilliant:

He is my solid rock
The truth is found in Him
I am standing here cleansed and forgiven
When all around me fails
When all is sinking sand
My feet are steady here
I've found my way, my truth in Him.

This isn't meant to be a self-pity blog, because it's not. I could list a hundred reasons I have to be incredibly thankful. Rather, it's me being vulnerable and honest about where I'm at. There's no brilliant theme or thesis to this blog post--or much structure. And yet in the middle of my ramblings and adrenaline letdown, one thing I know: my Rock is immovable, my Rock is good, my Rock is Jesus. And my feet are steady here. Always.

How He Loves

It's amazing how in a matter of moments I can go from extremely joyful and happy to exhausted, overwhelmed, and weepy. I think there comes a point when the choice becomes remarkably harder to make. When my energy's high, it's easier to choose joy. And yes, I firmly believe joy is a choice. When I'm drained, worn down, and am reminded of something that hurts...it's like this giant wall crashing down on me and crushing my joy. As I was writing that last sentence, the song on Pandora starting playing, "How He Loves." Now this...is my song. And I just stopped. And listened. And breathed in His love. 

Cause here's the thing: no matter what my circumstances, no matter how I feel, no matter what I'm dealing with...He loves me. 

And ya know? Even a long/hard day...month...couple of months...isn't enough to crush my joy. Here's a little secret I'll clue you in on: joy isn't crushable. It's squishy and pliable and moldable and will conform to whatever circumstances you find yourself in. Joy can't be beat by a collapsing wall. It doesn't matter how many walls come crashing down...He still loves me. And that will never ever ever EVER change. There you have it. Beneath all that rubble...there still is and always will be that uncrushable, undefeatable, radiant glimmer of joy. And that, my friends, is enough.

Rollover Miracle

Yesterday morning--after three days of working long and little sleep--I was finally getting some rest. At about 4:30 in the morning, I woke up to a voice, "Are you awake?" Thinking it was my sister Danielle, who I am currently sharing a room with, I muttered, "No. Are you?" only to realize that she was still sound asleep. Then I heard my dad's voice on the phone. Who could he be talking to so early? Extremely irritated that my peaceful REM sleep was disrupted, I got up to get a glass of water and suggest to him that he could perhaps continue his conversation at a more decent hour or in a more subdued tone (it didn't occur to me that there was a logical reason for his being on the phone at such an hour).

Well, turns out there was a reason. An important one. My brothers who had been fishing near the Dalles were on their way home when they hit a semi truck tire in the middle of the road. Their car went off the road and rolled over. Miraculously, they were all able to walk away okay.

I called my sister, Jessica, and we left half an hour later to pick them up where they had been dropped off at a little store in Moro. If you have no idea where that is...well neither did I until yesterday. The time that Jessica and had driving was amazing--much more amazing than my brothers and their friend, stuck out in the cold--the Holy Spirit showed up in a unique and brilliant way. We got to talk about Jessica's recent trip to Uganda, my plans for this fall, what God's been teaching us, and just have sister time. We also had some seriously awesome prayer time.

Once we picked them up, we drove to the spot where the accident had happened. We were astounded by what we saw. I have pictures that I will post, but they're on Jessica's phone. Interestingly, there was one mound right where they flipped. Now, we don't know this, but I have a funny feeling that the mound they rolled over, slowed the impact of their flip and was one reason that they were all in such good shape. It was kind of a surreal feeling, knowing that had things turned out differently, my brothers and their friend wouldn't be standing next to me right now. I was overwhelmed by this sense of thankfulness that God saw fit to save them.

All I can say is this: God is not finished with them yet! And I'm so excited to see the way that He protected them and what He is going to do and keep doing with my brothers. If you think of it, shoot up a prayer for them...I just have this feeling that God is ready to do something more. 

Culture Shock...and I haven't even left yet!

Currently, I am experiencing pre-travel culture shock.

My roommate and I, who were house-sitting for five months, are in the process of moving. However, rather than move for three months with her before going to Kosovo, I made the decision to move home. For many reasons this choice seemed logical: three months worth of saving--no rent, no utilities, mooching off of their food; a place to store my stuff when I leave (without having to move it again); and you know, that whole family bonding thing. Or something.

Well, I've been here about two days, my bed is situated--everything else is in disarray. But I think the thing that is in the greatest disarray is my personal space alarm. You see, I have this little buzzer...when I don't get enough personal space it starts going off. Then it gets louder and louder and louder until it's practically screaming in my ear.

Also, I have a confession. I have a bedtime. My bedtime is 10:00 and my wake up time is 6:00. I value my sleep. My family, on the other hand...
Last night, I got home after 10:00 and had every intention of whizzing off to bed. However, things went a little different than planned.

While searching for my pajamas:
Christina: Amy get out of my room!
Me: Oh, let her come in.
Christina: Amy, get out!
Me: Be nice. Would you like me to wrestle you and make you sleep outside?
Amy: Yes! Yes! Wrestle Christina to the floor and make her sleep in my room so I can sleep with you?

I exit, Amy following, murmuring, "Please! Please!"
I walk to my other sister's room, still in search of pajamas. Danielle is peacefully reading on her bed.

Josiah enters, determined to bring her joy.

Danielle: Josiah, get out of my room!
Josiah: Hey Danielle! Guess what? I invented this new game called hashtag. We play it with bottle caps. It's great! What are hashtags anyways?
Danielle: Go away!
Josiah: Aww, Danielle! Gimme a hug! I'll show you how to play.
Danielle: I will bite you!
I exit, giving up the search for my pajamas and go straight to brushing my teeth. I grab the nearest toothpaste, reciting my mantra "It's only three months, it's only three months, it's only three months..." I finally feel myself begin to calm, and a smile return to my face when...

Michaela: Hey! Is that my toothpaste? Are you the one who keeps stealing it?!
She snatches it out of my hand and whisks it away, without giving me time to answer.
Michaela: I'm hiding this!
I feel the panic rising as the whirling vortex of noise sucks me in. Over and over I hear

 "Wrestle Chrissy!"
"Hashtags. That's a funny word."
 "I will beat you over the head with this book."
"Go away!"
 "My toothpaste."


Sanity. Lord, help me.

P.S. Hope you enjoyed a little humor while reading this and there will come a post soon about the genuine POSITIVES of moving home for the summer, which there are many. I am learning to appreciate the quirks of my family and the time to invest in them as I am once again thrown into the mix, while living there.