So, I have two pretty awesome friends. Who write pretty cool music. Who decided to take Song of Solomon and put it to music. Then I joined in.
This is what happened:
Arise My Love by katelynalexander
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Trial
The prisoner’s shackles clanked to the floor, echoing in the courtroom. Buzzing of conversation ceased and all eyes turned to examine the prisoner. There I sat, in a room filled with scoffing faces. All watching. I turned and looked at all of the eyes around the room. Eyes that belonged to friends, coworkers, and schoolmates. Eyes that now looked on with pity and scoffing. Hundreds and hundreds of eyes. Probing. Questioning. Jeering—all here to behold the fate of one unlucky individual. Or perhaps lucky, should the judge determine their innocence.
I had been to this very room many times before. I had watched as dozens had been tried and sentenced. I had seen thieves and murderers and liars and cheats. And had felt little to no pity as they had received their dues. Neither had the rest of the crowds and a trial such as this always turns up a crowd. Always. Maybe it’s kind of morbid, but I think it’s human nature. Who doesn’t get curious when someone’s life is on the line? And let’s not forget the scoffers. Amongst a crowd this size, they were sure to be here, and cause the most intimidation possible to whatever poor soul’s life hung in the balance. Let’s be honest, I’d done it. Many times.
But not today.
Today was different.
Today it was my life.
A fly buzzed around my head in the sweltering heat, taunting. My hands were immobilized or I would have tried to swat it away. I shook my head, to no avail. Oh, what was the use? It would all be over soon anyways.
I turned my eyes away from the crowd and sunk down into my chair. There I was, in the middle of the room—vulnerable and scrutinized. I knew that all around me, people were placing bets on the outcome of today’s trial. I had a feeling there weren’t a lot of bets in my favor.
Then, the sound that I had been dreading: the two large oak doors at the front of the room opened and the judge entered. His grandeur was overwhelming; one glance and I was terrified, convinced that he knew EVERYTHING. My body was awash in hot and cold flashes, and I started to sweat.
The worst part about this whole ordeal? I wasn’t being tried for petty crimes. No, all my crimes were heavy. Not only that, they were committed directly against the judge. Let me restate—against the judge’s son. I gulped, taking the majesty of the judge. There was no way I was making it out of here alive.
Then, the prosecutor entered. He was handsome man, stunning really. Tall and well-muscled, with striking eyes, it was almost impossible not to look at him when he spoke. I was always amazed at the eloquence and passion in his voice; and his persuasive powers were overwhelming. When he spoke, the whole world stopped to listen. It was apparent to all who bothered noticing that he took his job very, very seriously and would do everything in his ability to make certain that lawbreakers received their just reward.
Lawbreakers like me. It was at that moment that I wished with everything in me that he wasn’t quite so good at his job.
As he began to list my crimes one by one, I found all shreds of hope shrinking, before disappearing altogether. Slowly, methodically, spitefully, he toyed with me, reeling me (and everyone else) into his tale of deception and trickery. The story he wove was stunning. It was impossible not to hate the criminal. If only that criminal wasn't me. He knew I didn’t have a chance, as the evidence against me was overwhelming. And every accusation was accurate. Painfully accurate. Besides, how could the judge—against whom I had done so much wrong—not sentence me heavily?
As I felt myself succumbing to the depths of despair, I heard the sound of another voice—one that I hadn’t expected. At his voice, a sob caught in my throat. Why was he here? I could have handled anyone—and I mean anyone—seeing me before him. I was certain that he had left, given up on me, forsaken me…after what I’d done. You see, he was the one against whom I’d committed so much wrong. All of my spiteful anger had been taken out on him. All of my hate and hurt and disgust had spewed fiery coals onto him. This man infuriated me and yet, more than anything, I wanted to please him. I don't know why I cared, I just didn't want him to see my shame.
I guess I should back up. This man had once been my closest friend. More than that, even—my husband. But when I made my vows, I never expected to fall for a handsome, doting coworker whose voice dripped flattery and empty promises. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was in way too deep. My insecurities, fears, and guilt all came out on my husband. It became my life goal to spite him. Why? Because he kept loving me. After all that I had done to him, he never stopped loving me, which created such passionate fury inside of me, I could hardly contain myself. And, well, didn’t. Sometimes, I just wished he’d retaliate. I had broken him, and I knew it. God, how I knew it. I guess it goes without saying that that was the start of all my other crimes.
And now, as I was being tried for these crimes, I realized why he was here. He was here to retaliate. What more perfect moment to spite me than in front of everyone?
Oh, God, why did he have to be here?
When he spoke, his was soft, yet passionate—not exactly what I expected. Then again, he never did what I expected.
“The evidence against her is overwhelming. Your Honor would be a fool not to condemn her for such horrific crimes."
Yep. He still loves me. Knew it.
"Your Honor is no such fool. According to the law, there is only one payment for crimes such as these.”
Say it. Just say it.
“Death.”
I clenched my teeth, waiting for him to gloat, to tower over me, to rub it in that I would finally get my just reward.
“Your Honor, the law states that judgment must be executed. It also states that another can take the punishment of one condemned. There is one who has offered to take her punishment.”
My head jerked up at this statement.
“Therefore, I plead for mercy. My life for hers. Let me take her place.”
At this, my whole body started shaking. I was quavering all over. He couldn’t be doing this. Surely he couldn’t. Not for me. Not after what I’d done. My head spun, and I struggled futilely to grasp onto a reasonable thought.
The crowds began to stir. This wasn’t what they had expected and they were quick to voice their protestations.
My poor forsaken husband caught my gaze and looked at me with the most powerful gaze of love I had ever seen. In his eyes were forgiveness and mercy and sorrow. No hate. No anger. No rejection. Just...love. I didn't understand, and knew that I couldn't. And perhaps never would. I shook my head, "no," but his face was set.
His voice cut through the crowds, murmuring, pleading—ever so quiet: “Please. Pardon her.”
Deafening silence filled the room.
"You would do this? For her?" The judge voiced the question that was on everyone's mind.
The man nodded, soberly.
The judge perused the face of my once-husband, searching, as if to see if he genuinely meant what he had said. His eyes scanned the room and the crowds and then fell on me. Up and down, he looked me over. He looked at his son and back at me. A mixture of sorrow and pride filled his face. He nodded, slowly. Once more he looked at me, with eyes of intensity and seriousness.
"You've been offered a second chance at life. Don't waste it."
And then the judge looked out over the crowds and spoke one word—one simple word that changed everything: “Pardoned.”
I had been to this very room many times before. I had watched as dozens had been tried and sentenced. I had seen thieves and murderers and liars and cheats. And had felt little to no pity as they had received their dues. Neither had the rest of the crowds and a trial such as this always turns up a crowd. Always. Maybe it’s kind of morbid, but I think it’s human nature. Who doesn’t get curious when someone’s life is on the line? And let’s not forget the scoffers. Amongst a crowd this size, they were sure to be here, and cause the most intimidation possible to whatever poor soul’s life hung in the balance. Let’s be honest, I’d done it. Many times.
But not today.
Today was different.
Today it was my life.
A fly buzzed around my head in the sweltering heat, taunting. My hands were immobilized or I would have tried to swat it away. I shook my head, to no avail. Oh, what was the use? It would all be over soon anyways.
I turned my eyes away from the crowd and sunk down into my chair. There I was, in the middle of the room—vulnerable and scrutinized. I knew that all around me, people were placing bets on the outcome of today’s trial. I had a feeling there weren’t a lot of bets in my favor.
Then, the sound that I had been dreading: the two large oak doors at the front of the room opened and the judge entered. His grandeur was overwhelming; one glance and I was terrified, convinced that he knew EVERYTHING. My body was awash in hot and cold flashes, and I started to sweat.
The worst part about this whole ordeal? I wasn’t being tried for petty crimes. No, all my crimes were heavy. Not only that, they were committed directly against the judge. Let me restate—against the judge’s son. I gulped, taking the majesty of the judge. There was no way I was making it out of here alive.
Then, the prosecutor entered. He was handsome man, stunning really. Tall and well-muscled, with striking eyes, it was almost impossible not to look at him when he spoke. I was always amazed at the eloquence and passion in his voice; and his persuasive powers were overwhelming. When he spoke, the whole world stopped to listen. It was apparent to all who bothered noticing that he took his job very, very seriously and would do everything in his ability to make certain that lawbreakers received their just reward.
Lawbreakers like me. It was at that moment that I wished with everything in me that he wasn’t quite so good at his job.
As he began to list my crimes one by one, I found all shreds of hope shrinking, before disappearing altogether. Slowly, methodically, spitefully, he toyed with me, reeling me (and everyone else) into his tale of deception and trickery. The story he wove was stunning. It was impossible not to hate the criminal. If only that criminal wasn't me. He knew I didn’t have a chance, as the evidence against me was overwhelming. And every accusation was accurate. Painfully accurate. Besides, how could the judge—against whom I had done so much wrong—not sentence me heavily?
As I felt myself succumbing to the depths of despair, I heard the sound of another voice—one that I hadn’t expected. At his voice, a sob caught in my throat. Why was he here? I could have handled anyone—and I mean anyone—seeing me before him. I was certain that he had left, given up on me, forsaken me…after what I’d done. You see, he was the one against whom I’d committed so much wrong. All of my spiteful anger had been taken out on him. All of my hate and hurt and disgust had spewed fiery coals onto him. This man infuriated me and yet, more than anything, I wanted to please him. I don't know why I cared, I just didn't want him to see my shame.
I guess I should back up. This man had once been my closest friend. More than that, even—my husband. But when I made my vows, I never expected to fall for a handsome, doting coworker whose voice dripped flattery and empty promises. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was in way too deep. My insecurities, fears, and guilt all came out on my husband. It became my life goal to spite him. Why? Because he kept loving me. After all that I had done to him, he never stopped loving me, which created such passionate fury inside of me, I could hardly contain myself. And, well, didn’t. Sometimes, I just wished he’d retaliate. I had broken him, and I knew it. God, how I knew it. I guess it goes without saying that that was the start of all my other crimes.
And now, as I was being tried for these crimes, I realized why he was here. He was here to retaliate. What more perfect moment to spite me than in front of everyone?
Oh, God, why did he have to be here?
When he spoke, his was soft, yet passionate—not exactly what I expected. Then again, he never did what I expected.
“The evidence against her is overwhelming. Your Honor would be a fool not to condemn her for such horrific crimes."
Yep. He still loves me. Knew it.
"Your Honor is no such fool. According to the law, there is only one payment for crimes such as these.”
Say it. Just say it.
“Death.”
I clenched my teeth, waiting for him to gloat, to tower over me, to rub it in that I would finally get my just reward.
“Your Honor, the law states that judgment must be executed. It also states that another can take the punishment of one condemned. There is one who has offered to take her punishment.”
My head jerked up at this statement.
“Therefore, I plead for mercy. My life for hers. Let me take her place.”
At this, my whole body started shaking. I was quavering all over. He couldn’t be doing this. Surely he couldn’t. Not for me. Not after what I’d done. My head spun, and I struggled futilely to grasp onto a reasonable thought.
The crowds began to stir. This wasn’t what they had expected and they were quick to voice their protestations.
My poor forsaken husband caught my gaze and looked at me with the most powerful gaze of love I had ever seen. In his eyes were forgiveness and mercy and sorrow. No hate. No anger. No rejection. Just...love. I didn't understand, and knew that I couldn't. And perhaps never would. I shook my head, "no," but his face was set.
His voice cut through the crowds, murmuring, pleading—ever so quiet: “Please. Pardon her.”
Deafening silence filled the room.
"You would do this? For her?" The judge voiced the question that was on everyone's mind.
The man nodded, soberly.
The judge perused the face of my once-husband, searching, as if to see if he genuinely meant what he had said. His eyes scanned the room and the crowds and then fell on me. Up and down, he looked me over. He looked at his son and back at me. A mixture of sorrow and pride filled his face. He nodded, slowly. Once more he looked at me, with eyes of intensity and seriousness.
"You've been offered a second chance at life. Don't waste it."
And then the judge looked out over the crowds and spoke one word—one simple word that changed everything: “Pardoned.”
It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Romans 8:33-34
Thursday, June 9, 2011
How's YOUR love life?
So, I was asked this question yesterday, "How is your love life?" I responded with a flippant, "What love life?" then jokingly, "Oh, ya know, there's always Jesus!" Their response? "Oh please! Tell me you're not one of THOSE people?"
Now, I said it as a joke. And I admit I think it's a little silly when girls say that their boyfriend is Jesus.
That said, I don't think being one of THOSE people is such a bad idea. MEANING: one of those people who is so totally and completely wrapped up in Jesus that the fact they have nonexistent love life is okay. And that they believe it when the Bible says, "Your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name." (Isaiah 54:5) and "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, love and compassion; and you shall know the Lord."
So, even though it's kind of silly, when asked questions like, "How's your love life?" I can think I'm going to answer, "It's amazing."
Now, I said it as a joke. And I admit I think it's a little silly when girls say that their boyfriend is Jesus.
That said, I don't think being one of THOSE people is such a bad idea. MEANING: one of those people who is so totally and completely wrapped up in Jesus that the fact they have nonexistent love life is okay. And that they believe it when the Bible says, "Your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is His name." (Isaiah 54:5) and "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, love and compassion; and you shall know the Lord."
So, even though it's kind of silly, when asked questions like, "How's your love life?" I can think I'm going to answer, "It's amazing."
Monday, June 6, 2011
Come Back Home
Once again, I'm procrastinating homework with this post. But I'm going to post it anyways. This next song is my Hosea inspiration song. I love, love, love this song. And I'm quite jealous that this amazing band wrote the song and not me, as it fits Hosea perfectly. Alas, I shall remain green with envy and simply enjoy this song. I hope you fall in love with the Icarus Account as much as I have.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Play Inspirations
So--in a brief respite from my homework--I've decided that I am going to share with you a few inspirational songs. Now, these aren't necessarily spiritually inspirational songs. Rather, these are the songs that I feel like capture some of the characters from my play. I will be posting songs about my four main characters of the play: HOSEA, MER, CHARLES, and SUZANNE. For those of you who don't know, this play is set in the 1920s and is about a pastor, Hosea, and his wife, Mer, who has blemished past. She doesn't fit in with the church she's a part of and no one will let her forget her past. Add to that, family tensions, a busy husband, and an old fling...well, let's just say it's a mess in the making.
Therefore, this first song is a Mer song. Talented and beautiful, she is torn between her commitment to her husband and the charming old friend who has suddenly walked back into her life. A friend of mine showed me this song and I fell in love with it (and the group who performs it). I felt it perfectly captured the heart of Mer. Not gonna lie...I wish I wrote it.
Therefore, this first song is a Mer song. Talented and beautiful, she is torn between her commitment to her husband and the charming old friend who has suddenly walked back into her life. A friend of mine showed me this song and I fell in love with it (and the group who performs it). I felt it perfectly captured the heart of Mer. Not gonna lie...I wish I wrote it.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Amazed
Found this blog that I started, but never posted. Thought it really hit the nail on the head:
Thoughts?
Tonight I went to the Easter service at Westside. Pastor Ken talked about being amazed. During worship, the Holy Spirit began to highlight some stuff to me. We sang the song, More than Amazing, and the words really hit me.
You walked upon the water
You calmed the raging seas
You command the highest mountain
to fall to its knees....
Forgetting all our sin
You remember Your promises
You are amazing
More than amazing
"Katelyn," He whispered, "gaping at the mountains won't move them. It's only when you--not only look to me--but are amazed by me that the mountains will begin to move."
Then I realized something: saying without conviction, "Yeah...God's big enough" isn't enough for those mountains to move. It's only when I am genuinely, truly, wonderfully amazed at the grandeur of my God that things will begin to change. It's foolish of me to live my life NOT amazed. If I do, I'll be missing the whole point. You see, we cannot truly spend time with the Lord--seeking Him, discovering Him, following Him, worshiping Him--without being amazed. Genuinely being with Jesus always equals amazement. Because when I get a glimpse of who He is, I cannot help but be amazed.
This brings up the somewhat troubling question: if so little of my life is spent in a state of amazement, how little time must I actually be spending with God?
You walked upon the water
You calmed the raging seas
You command the highest mountain
to fall to its knees....
Forgetting all our sin
You remember Your promises
You are amazing
More than amazing
"Katelyn," He whispered, "gaping at the mountains won't move them. It's only when you--not only look to me--but are amazed by me that the mountains will begin to move."
Then I realized something: saying without conviction, "Yeah...God's big enough" isn't enough for those mountains to move. It's only when I am genuinely, truly, wonderfully amazed at the grandeur of my God that things will begin to change. It's foolish of me to live my life NOT amazed. If I do, I'll be missing the whole point. You see, we cannot truly spend time with the Lord--seeking Him, discovering Him, following Him, worshiping Him--without being amazed. Genuinely being with Jesus always equals amazement. Because when I get a glimpse of who He is, I cannot help but be amazed.
This brings up the somewhat troubling question: if so little of my life is spent in a state of amazement, how little time must I actually be spending with God?
Thoughts?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Okay
Somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I came up with this idea. Actually, I'm not sure I came up with it, because I'm pretty positive that other people share this idea. A lot of other people, actually. This idea is this: discerning the will of God is very difficult and arduous; it involves much prayer and fasting; and only once you've labored and labored is it possible to know God's will. Think: sackcloth and ashes, weeping, Catholic indulgences, beggars on the side of the road...
Or perhaps, if I beat myself over the head with a book, God will see that I'm serious and listen...
Eh, never mind about that one (now that I think about it, wasn't that from a movie? Hollywood and the way it influences us...)
Back to what I was saying...
What was I saying? Oh yes...
I have this feeling--you know, one of those feelings--that something's not quite right when I don't believe that God will tell me what to do unless I spend hours and hours begging and pleading to hear His voice. Or that I have to forgo food for a month in order to hear Him. It's not that there won't be any work involved in hearing God's voice--prayer and fasting are amazing and invaluable when you need to hear Him and it's imperative that we seek Him. He said, "Seek me with all your heart and I will be found by you." That's not exactly easy. Nevertheless, there's a difference between seeking God and groveling. One's really good; the other...not so much. The problem with this mentality is that it assumes that God doesn't want to speak to me. The reason I have to beg is because I think it's a burden for God to answer.
Wrong.
WRONG.
WRONG!
And when He does, I don't have to freak out and discredit everything He just told me because it's "too easy" and I didn't spend 4 days groveling in the dirt.
Sometimes He says, "go."
And sometimes all I have to say is, "okay."
Images from: Paris Daily Photo and Costume Network Gallery
Or perhaps, if I beat myself over the head with a book, God will see that I'm serious and listen...
Eh, never mind about that one (now that I think about it, wasn't that from a movie? Hollywood and the way it influences us...)
Back to what I was saying...
What was I saying? Oh yes...
I have this feeling--you know, one of those feelings--that something's not quite right when I don't believe that God will tell me what to do unless I spend hours and hours begging and pleading to hear His voice. Or that I have to forgo food for a month in order to hear Him. It's not that there won't be any work involved in hearing God's voice--prayer and fasting are amazing and invaluable when you need to hear Him and it's imperative that we seek Him. He said, "Seek me with all your heart and I will be found by you." That's not exactly easy. Nevertheless, there's a difference between seeking God and groveling. One's really good; the other...not so much. The problem with this mentality is that it assumes that God doesn't want to speak to me. The reason I have to beg is because I think it's a burden for God to answer.
Wrong.
WRONG.
WRONG!
John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I CHOSE you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.The fact is, God wants to share things with me and give me direction: "The Lord confides in those who fear Him" (Psalm 25:14) and "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16). He chose me, remember? When I've been pursuing the Lord with my whole heart and there's evidence of fruit in my life, then Jesus promised that "whatever [I] ask in [His] name, the Father will give [me]." Therefore, when I ask for direction and to discern His will, then I can trust that He'll show me.
And when He does, I don't have to freak out and discredit everything He just told me because it's "too easy" and I didn't spend 4 days groveling in the dirt.
Sometimes He says, "go."
And sometimes all I have to say is, "okay."
Images from: Paris Daily Photo and Costume Network Gallery
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
While I Wait
Heard this song on Pandora. Just thought it fit.
John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Rest, Wait, Knock
To make a long story short, I went to Seattle this week because God said, "go." It's kind of been a "knocking on doors" trip, so to speak. I still don't have all the answers I necessarily hoped for, but it's been a pretty amazing trip so far.
I think the thing that the Holy Spirit is most trying to teach me--and I confess, I haven't learned very well--is to rest in Him because He knows what He's doing. I feel as if I have to have every last detail figured out and the fact that the future is a mystery is both overwhelming and frustrating to me. Nevertheless, the future will ALWAYS be a mystery, even if I think I have it all figured out. After all, it's impossible to fully know what tomorrow holds.
So, even though it goes against every natural instinct in me, I am going to rest.
Knock. Wait. Rest.
Rest in the knocking.
Rest in the waiting.
Rest in the unknown.
Rest in the mystery
I'm going to rest in the God who knows what He's doing.
I think the thing that the Holy Spirit is most trying to teach me--and I confess, I haven't learned very well--is to rest in Him because He knows what He's doing. I feel as if I have to have every last detail figured out and the fact that the future is a mystery is both overwhelming and frustrating to me. Nevertheless, the future will ALWAYS be a mystery, even if I think I have it all figured out. After all, it's impossible to fully know what tomorrow holds.
So, even though it goes against every natural instinct in me, I am going to rest.
Knock. Wait. Rest.
Rest in the knocking.
Rest in the waiting.
Rest in the unknown.
Rest in the mystery
I'm going to rest in the God who knows what He's doing.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Today
A couple days ago I told some friends that I don't like posting negative things on Facebook very much, so if I'm having a bad day, I'll say something like, "I'm choosing praise today." Then because of my attitude change usually the bad day doesn't end up so bad...
Well, this morning I woke up feeling very melancholy. There are a few reasons for this melancholy feeling which I won't go into (most of which really aren't that big of deal, honestly)...but here's the thing, I really don't want to spend my day feeling melancholy and depressed when I could have a perfectly wonderful day. The fact is, Christ died for days such as these. He died so that I can live victorious every day.
John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I come that you may have life and life abundant."
I'm not really into getting stolen from today. I'd much rather have that whole abundant life thing. You see the thief wants to steal from me. He wants to steal my day. My joy. My perspective. My thankfulness. He wants to steal today.
But I begin living the abundant life when I begin living and walking in joy, perspective, thankfulness...no matter what my circumstances are. And that abundant life can begin today.
So today, I'm not saying this simply because I don't want to say something negative. I'm saying it because I mean it.
I choose praise.
Today.
Well, this morning I woke up feeling very melancholy. There are a few reasons for this melancholy feeling which I won't go into (most of which really aren't that big of deal, honestly)...but here's the thing, I really don't want to spend my day feeling melancholy and depressed when I could have a perfectly wonderful day. The fact is, Christ died for days such as these. He died so that I can live victorious every day.
John 10:10 says, "The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I come that you may have life and life abundant."
I'm not really into getting stolen from today. I'd much rather have that whole abundant life thing. You see the thief wants to steal from me. He wants to steal my day. My joy. My perspective. My thankfulness. He wants to steal today.
But I begin living the abundant life when I begin living and walking in joy, perspective, thankfulness...no matter what my circumstances are. And that abundant life can begin today.
So today, I'm not saying this simply because I don't want to say something negative. I'm saying it because I mean it.
I choose praise.
Today.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Surrender
Dear Daddy,
There's a lot on my heart. A lot of hopes. A lot of dreams. A lot of confusion. So I'm giving them to You. Cause You take better care of them than I do. That's all.
Love,
Me
Monday, April 18, 2011
Travel...
So, I have this crazy radical idea that I like a lot. To travel to every country in Europe and play music in ALL of them. And not just play music on the streets, but in actual venues, such as a cafe or something. In addition, to have a paying photography position in all of them. All the while, I will be chronicling my adventures in a travel blog that is witty and entertaining and fun. And...figuring out a way to earn some income through this travel blog, the photography, and the music.
I'm thinking of dragging along my sister and another friend, come September.
It's currently rather vague. A little outlandish. Somewhat ridiculous.
But I like it.
And you know what? I serve a big God.
It's gonna happen.
I'm thinking of dragging along my sister and another friend, come September.
It's currently rather vague. A little outlandish. Somewhat ridiculous.
But I like it.
And you know what? I serve a big God.
It's gonna happen.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Why Cars are Character Building
So, I was thinking tonight about all of the things that my cars have taught me over the years. And I want to encourage all parents of new drivers--cars are highly character building. Here are some of the invaluable lessons that I've learned, about driving, cars...and life:
-Wearing flip-flops over your ballet tights is NOT a good idea. Even if you're just driving down the street.
-Only shift when the car is stopped.
-You will be held responsible for all minors in your car who are not wearing seat belts. Even if you have only had your license for six months.
-Whatever the number of seats your car has, you can double that number for fitting people in. (My lawyers advise me, however, that it is not recommended that you try this at home).
-The above situation is made incredibly more entertaining in a stick shift. With a newly permitted driver behind the wheel.
-It is not generally a wise practice to schedule a consultation with your insurance agent about lowering your premiums right before rear ending someone.
-When your dad tells you that you should check the oil soon...don't wait three weeks to do so.
-When driving with a nightstand in your back seat, take corners slowly.
-When the driver's manual tells you to walk around your car and look for obstacles before backing up, it actually is a good idea. Especially when you're driving a pick up truck with a 4-wheeler in back.
Yes, the cars that I've had have taught me many lessons. I've also learned that some things simply shouldn't be taken for granted, such as:
-Heating
-Air conditioning
-Working windshield wipers
-Blinkers
-Door handles
-Doors that open
-Window that roll up.
-Windows that roll down.
-Windows at all...
-A working speedometer
-Snow tires
-Visors
-Cars that start without warming up for 10 minutes
-Cars that start without being jumped
-Cars that start at all
-Cars that go in reverse.
You see, there are endless things that a car can teach you to be grateful for. One final lesson:
Sometimes in life, it's better to just move forward and not spend too much time looking back. Philippians 4:13-14 "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
It's good advice. Especially when you drive a car without reverse.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Curveballs
Sometimes life throws you curveballs. And sometimes you don't expect what's going to happen. And sometimes those curveballs make you angry or sad or depressed or frustrated.
And sometimes (okay all the time) what God calls us to do is not to get angry and sad and depressed and frustrated, rather to be thankful. And trust Him. And talk to Him about it.
Because He's good like that.
And sometimes (okay all the time) what God calls us to do is not to get angry and sad and depressed and frustrated, rather to be thankful. And trust Him. And talk to Him about it.
Philippians 4:6You see, God knows what He's doing. And sometimes, these curveballs are really just the Lord being gracious and teaching us...and when we surrender to Him, He gives us peace that we desperately, desperately, desperately need.
Don't worry about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Because He's good like that.
Romans 8:28P.S. That's us.
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Love, love, and more love
Dear God,
I confess that I sometimes don't believe You. You see, I get so caught up in me and my what I see with my incredibly nearsighted vision that I forget that You don't always see the way I do. And some days, more than others, my nearsightedness is just really off.
Today is one of those days.
So, instead of ending up way off course because I can't see straight, I'm going to close MY eyes and listen as You tell me what You see.
Unlike Katelyn's kind of love which vacillates and teeters depending on the state of her emotions, God's love is unchanging. Micah 7:18-19 are some of the most beautiful verses EVER, in my opinion (I say that about a lot of verses though....)
It doesn't get much better than that.
I confess that I sometimes don't believe You. You see, I get so caught up in me and my what I see with my incredibly nearsighted vision that I forget that You don't always see the way I do. And some days, more than others, my nearsightedness is just really off.
Today is one of those days.
So, instead of ending up way off course because I can't see straight, I'm going to close MY eyes and listen as You tell me what You see.
But now, this is what the LORD says -- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name , you are mine." (Isaiah 43:1)
I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother's womb. Praise me because YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. My works are wonderful, and you can know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14 paraphrase)
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed. (Isaiah 54:10)I love the way the Message puts that verse:
For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, My love won't walk away from you, my commitment of peace won't fall apart." The God who has compassion on you says so. (Isaiah 54:10)That picture of God never walking away, His love never leaving--it's so valuable to me. I think that one of my biggest fears is that God will look at me, throw up His hands, and walk away...because I'm too much work. But He's not like that. The fact is He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He even loves me a LOT. Oh, did I mention He loves me?
Unlike Katelyn's kind of love which vacillates and teeters depending on the state of her emotions, God's love is unchanging. Micah 7:18-19 are some of the most beautiful verses EVER, in my opinion (I say that about a lot of verses though....)
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:18-19)Another favorite:
I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with lovingkindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)And in the The Message:
God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!" (Jeremiah 31:3)"I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!"
It doesn't get much better than that.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Every Time
Last night, my mom said something to me that totally convicted me. She said, “I read your blog, that post from a long time ago about working for the Lord, when you only got $7 in tips.” She commended me for my attitude. And I wanted to change the topic, quickly. The fact is, I have not had that attitude lately, at all. In fact, I’ve had a very poor attitude. I’ve whined and grumbled and complained about making a pathetic amount of tips and have been highly unmotivated to work or work well. Everything that the Lord showed me that one evening went in one ear and out the other. And I give the Israelites a hard time about their forgetfulness…
Colossians 3:23-24 says:
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
The verse that stuck out to me, “because you know you will receive an inheritance from the Lord." That means that He's in charge of making sure that I get what I need for the amount of work I do. I may, on average, not make enough tips to buy myself a cup of coffee, but that is not reason enough for me to not do a good job. I am working for God, not for men. God has called me to work “as unto the Lord.” He is my boss. I’m not working for a paycheck or to impress my manager, I am working for the Lord. This means that I look to GOD to provide for me, not my job. And He’ll provide exactly what I need when I need it. So when I don’t make much in tips, I am basically saying that He’s not providing enough.
The fact is, how much I make is pretty irrelevant. What matters is the state of my heart. The point is that I serve the Lord by giving my best and He provides exactly how much I need.
Every. Single. Time.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Who is Like the Lord?
Tonight the Lord kept me up and has me praying for Japan and the earthquakes. As I've been praying the words to Corey and Whitney Parnell's song keep running through my head:
Who is like the Lord?
What pen could tell His worth?
Eternally worthy, rock of salvation, holy and mighty to save
His faithfulness reaches the skies
We can't lift you high enough
And no song is good enough
Words fail to tell you the way that we love
Who is like the Lord our God
seated on the highest throne
Words fail to tell you the way that we love you
Who is like the Lord
What man could know his ways?
His goodness is endless
His mercy it saves us
His faithfulness reaches the skies
Lift up the name of Jesus higher
Lift up the name of the Lord
God is calling us to remember that He is God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. HE IS STILL GOD.
As we remember who He is, then, yes, pray. Pray for His glory--that His glory would be displayed in the nation of Japan and the other places that have been and will be affected by this earthquake and tsunamis. Pray that His power and might would be displayed. Pray that He would do miracles. But mostly pray that people would come to know Him through this.
And in your prayers, don't pray lacking faith. NO! Remember who your God is! Remember, stand upon, and proclaim, "Who is like the Lord?" There is no one.
Who is like the Lord?
What pen could tell His worth?
Eternally worthy, rock of salvation, holy and mighty to save
His faithfulness reaches the skies
We can't lift you high enough
And no song is good enough
Words fail to tell you the way that we love
Who is like the Lord our God
seated on the highest throne
Words fail to tell you the way that we love you
Who is like the Lord
What man could know his ways?
His goodness is endless
His mercy it saves us
His faithfulness reaches the skies
Lift up the name of Jesus higher
Lift up the name of the Lord
God is calling us to remember that He is God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. HE IS STILL GOD.
As we remember who He is, then, yes, pray. Pray for His glory--that His glory would be displayed in the nation of Japan and the other places that have been and will be affected by this earthquake and tsunamis. Pray that His power and might would be displayed. Pray that He would do miracles. But mostly pray that people would come to know Him through this.
And in your prayers, don't pray lacking faith. NO! Remember who your God is! Remember, stand upon, and proclaim, "Who is like the Lord?" There is no one.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Late Night Contemplations
You know that feeling when there's so much on your mind that you can't think straight? You can't decide if you feel overwhelmed, stressed, tired, lonely, happy, angry, depressed, unsure, or some other emotion you can't currently think of. Yeah, me too. It's moments like these when God often seems distant and far off. That's when I wonder, "God, does any of this matter to You? Do I matter to You? Really? Why am I even here?" I have, more times than I can count, screamed inwardly at Him these and other questions and demanded answers. Each time, He'll answer...it's just whether or not I will take the time to hear it.
A friend once prayed for me that I would be able to ask God these questions not simply in the heat of my frustration with an accusatory "prove it" attitude, but with a quiet spirit, while sitting at His feet. When she said that, I imagined a little girl crawling up on her daddy's lap with a sense of wonder and excitement. "Daddy," she says, "Do you love me?" "Am I beautiful?""Am I a princess?" "How much do you love me?" She knows the answers. She knows what he's going to say. But she wants to hear it. She wants to hear him say it.
And when she asks those questions, he loves answering them.
So tonight, I'm not going to do the whole temper tantrum scream at the sky thing. Oh, I'll ask the hard questions that have been plaguing my heart. But first, I'm going to crawl up onto my Daddy's lap, snuggle in close, and say, "Daddy, tell me again. How much do you love me?"
A friend once prayed for me that I would be able to ask God these questions not simply in the heat of my frustration with an accusatory "prove it" attitude, but with a quiet spirit, while sitting at His feet. When she said that, I imagined a little girl crawling up on her daddy's lap with a sense of wonder and excitement. "Daddy," she says, "Do you love me?" "Am I beautiful?""Am I a princess?" "How much do you love me?" She knows the answers. She knows what he's going to say. But she wants to hear it. She wants to hear him say it.
And when she asks those questions, he loves answering them.
So tonight, I'm not going to do the whole temper tantrum scream at the sky thing. Oh, I'll ask the hard questions that have been plaguing my heart. But first, I'm going to crawl up onto my Daddy's lap, snuggle in close, and say, "Daddy, tell me again. How much do you love me?"
I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. -Jeremiah 31:3
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! -1 John 3:1
...how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...this love that surpasses knowledge. -Ephesians 3:18-19
Friday, March 4, 2011
Too Small, Even for a Wise Guy
I've been thinking a lot about wisdom lately--mostly because I desperately need it right now. This made me think about this super wise guy who lived a long time ago, Solomon. As I was contemplating him and his wisdom storehouses, I started wondering, "how is it that he could be so incredibly wise and yet turn out so morally bankrupt?" Hmm...something seems to be wrong here. I've heard a couple people talk briefly about it, but their explanations always left me unsatisfied. I've never felt like I had a good grasp of why or how the wisest man in the world could end up doing so many foolish things, particularly those against the law of God. Though I have to say...can you imagine a house full of 1000 women? That sounds like a recipe for an estrogen infused DISASTER! Ahem. I digress...
In 1 Kings 3 is the story of when God tells Solomon to ask for anything he wants. Verse 9 is where Solomon makes his request, "Give me a discerning heart, to govern your people, and to discern between right and wrong, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
Solomon said, "Give me a discerning heart, that I may govern this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" Note: why was Solomon asking for wisdom? So that he could lead God's people. That's good, though, right? Yes! Absolutely! BUT it was too small. He stopped too soon. It seems that Solomon's prayer was more about keeping himself from failing than bringing glory to God. Solomon needed help so that Solomon could lead God's people. Maybe I'm wrong on this, but I think this is the reason he walked away from God--because his goal was never 100% about God in the first place. Perhaps there was always this part of him that desired becoming great for his sake instead of God's.
I want to pause here and look inward for a moment. A friend posted a quote on Facebook today that said, "Are we doing the will of God to make ourselves look good or to glorify God?" If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'm not sure how I'd answer that question. But it's a question that needs to be answered, because it will determine who we are and what we do.
Had Solomon asked for wisdom for the sake of bringing glory to God, my guess is that some of his decisions would have been different. He probably wouldn't have intermarried with women from other nations, because his goal would have been to glorify God. Marriage to those women made a lot of political sense by creating alliances with those nations. In that way, it fulfilled his goal of governing the people in wisdom. However, it didn't make sense when it came to honoring God.
This leaves me with one final statement. Take a minute, examine your heart, and chew on this:
Are mine?
In 1 Kings 3 is the story of when God tells Solomon to ask for anything he wants. Verse 9 is where Solomon makes his request, "Give me a discerning heart, to govern your people, and to discern between right and wrong, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
"The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my decrees and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.” (1 Kings 3:10-14)Wow, pretty neat, huh? He chose a good thing to ask for, so much so that God was pleased with His request. So how is it that the wisest guy in the world would blatantly go against God's commands and intermarry with ungodly nations? And then give into the influence of these ungodly wives and worship other gods (1 Kings 11)? I think that the key lies in the heart behind Solomon's request. His request was good, nevertheless it was missing something. And that something was really big. In fact, I would argue that it was so big that it was the reason that Solomon made some of the foolish choices he did.
Solomon said, "Give me a discerning heart, that I may govern this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?" Note: why was Solomon asking for wisdom? So that he could lead God's people. That's good, though, right? Yes! Absolutely! BUT it was too small. He stopped too soon. It seems that Solomon's prayer was more about keeping himself from failing than bringing glory to God. Solomon needed help so that Solomon could lead God's people. Maybe I'm wrong on this, but I think this is the reason he walked away from God--because his goal was never 100% about God in the first place. Perhaps there was always this part of him that desired becoming great for his sake instead of God's.
I want to pause here and look inward for a moment. A friend posted a quote on Facebook today that said, "Are we doing the will of God to make ourselves look good or to glorify God?" If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'm not sure how I'd answer that question. But it's a question that needs to be answered, because it will determine who we are and what we do.
Had Solomon asked for wisdom for the sake of bringing glory to God, my guess is that some of his decisions would have been different. He probably wouldn't have intermarried with women from other nations, because his goal would have been to glorify God. Marriage to those women made a lot of political sense by creating alliances with those nations. In that way, it fulfilled his goal of governing the people in wisdom. However, it didn't make sense when it came to honoring God.
This leaves me with one final statement. Take a minute, examine your heart, and chew on this:
Any goal, dream, or desire is both misplaced and TOO SMALL if the motive behind it is anything other than bringing glory to God.Are your motives pure?
Are mine?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Go Figure
I sometimes refer to myself as "one who is professional at freaking at things that I shouldn't freak out about." Tonight, this staunch career was in full force as I mentally wrestled with an overloaded mind (making sleep incredibly elusive.) An overbooked schedule, work, school, Bible studies, worship meetings, future school, travel, how to make money for travel, plans, thoughts, ideas...and a sore throat all plagued my throbbing noggin. As I lay in a tub of steaming water (I had to calm myself down somehow!), I felt the Holy Spirit whisper, "Is all this really your responsibility?"
"Yes, God." was my snippy response, "If I don't take care of all this, who will?"
Once more, "Katelyn, is all this really your responsibility?"
When He asks questions again, that generally means my answer was wrong the first time. However, never one to be easily dissuaded: "I'm not sure You understand, I have to do all this stuff. I have to have it figured out. I have to have a plan!"
"Oh? And all this is your responsibility, is it? And just where do I fit in?"
"Well...umm..." I stuttered mindlessly for a moment. He waited while I fumbled for words, before speaking, ever so tenderly.
"Don't you trust that I can take care of you? And I don't actually need your help."
I wanted to argue on about my responsibility and how I needed to take care of things, but I was starting to see that it was pointless. After all, this is the Creator of the Universe. I guess it makes sense when He tells me that He doesn't actually need my help. Go figure.
In my mind, I saw a picture of huge storehouses of wealth--filled with way more money and resources than I could even imagine. And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "Just ask. All of these resources are at your fingertips. All you have to do is ask."
"Yes, God." was my snippy response, "If I don't take care of all this, who will?"
Once more, "Katelyn, is all this really your responsibility?"
When He asks questions again, that generally means my answer was wrong the first time. However, never one to be easily dissuaded: "I'm not sure You understand, I have to do all this stuff. I have to have it figured out. I have to have a plan!"
"Oh? And all this is your responsibility, is it? And just where do I fit in?"
"Well...umm..." I stuttered mindlessly for a moment. He waited while I fumbled for words, before speaking, ever so tenderly.
"Don't you trust that I can take care of you? And I don't actually need your help."
I wanted to argue on about my responsibility and how I needed to take care of things, but I was starting to see that it was pointless. After all, this is the Creator of the Universe. I guess it makes sense when He tells me that He doesn't actually need my help. Go figure.
In my mind, I saw a picture of huge storehouses of wealth--filled with way more money and resources than I could even imagine. And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "Just ask. All of these resources are at your fingertips. All you have to do is ask."
I've been freaking out about how on earth I'm going to pay my bills and get to Europe and pay for school and all of the traveling I want to do unless I work 70 hours a week for the next six months (in addition to school and ministry), all the while forgetting that my Dad has all the resources in the world. Literally. And when I'm walking with Him, He'll make a way, He'll open doors, and He'll provide all that I need. Oh, and He doesn't actually need my help.
Go figure.
Hebrews 4:16
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Luke 11:8-10
"Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door is opened."
Philippians 4:19
And My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Room
I carelessly tossed the piece of trash on the ground, as I disparagingly made my way through the piles of garbage. What had I gotten myself into? Surely...surely, he wasn't really going to come...here. After all, what was the point of trying to clean up a pigsty like this anyways? I had to think. I slowly made my way to the couch in the center of the room--if you could call it that. The thing was older than time, covered in a pattern long outdated, and with the springs poking through the ripped and faded fabric. It was both an aesthetic disaster and highly uncomfortable, but it didn't matter. No one was here but me...and I was used to it.
I tried to ignore the reeking and rotting mounds of junk--boxes filled with random trinkets, meals that never got finished, trophies from preschool, yesterday's homework. Half of the room was enclosed in a curtain--well, a sheet, that is--to make it look like less of a chaotic mess. It was the same with the piles, they were covered in various colored sheets, so that you couldn't really see what was underneath. Nevertheless, each sheet was labeled, so that I had an idea of what was there. Yes, this was my junk room. The room no one EVER came in. At least, no one ever had.
As I sat in the middle of my disastrous--yet oddly comfortable--room, I thought about what I'd gotten myself into. It had started with a conversation I'd had earlier that day, a conversation with a very dear friend. My friend had asked about this room of mine, that I never let anyone enter. I'd talked about it many times before--often flippantly, as if it wasn't a big deal. But there were a few times that I'd mentioned it not so flippantly. And he'd noticed. He tends to notice stuff like that. So, he brought it up. He asked if he could come see it. And if I'd wanted, he could help me clean it.
"Oh no." I'd responded, "You wouldn't possibly want to go in there."
"I think I would," He'd responded.
"But it's a mess! I mean...believe me when I say, it's a disaster."
"Oh, I believe you. I still want to come." Then--teasing, "you'll still be my favorite." He's been saying that to me for as long as I can remember. He says it whenever he's talking about someone he really likes...and he makes a point to always say it to me. But if I let him into that room, things might change.
I tried to convince him to give up on the idea, but when he gets an idea in his head, it's really hard to get it out. And somehow--after a momentary lapse of reason--I'd agreed. I'd agreed to let him in. Feeling sick to my stomach, I got up and paced, and attempted to make clean. But it was useless. Even if I managed to get all the trash out, there was still the matter of the broken rafters, the sagging walls, and the boarded up windows...not to mention the bathroom. We're not even going there.
And then, the sound that I had been dreading.
Knock. Knock.
Maybe if I waited, he would change his mind. Maybe he'd think I wasn't here. Maybe...
Knock. Knock.
Reluctantly I moved towards the door. "What am I doing?" I think to myself, "Surely this isn't necessary. He'll never want to be with me once he sees this. He'll hate me. If I let him in, he's just going to leave. He'll..."
Knock. Knock.
Gulp.
I open the door.
And there...there he is. And he is smiling. Oh that smile. Now I remembered, that smile was the whole reason I'd agreed to let him come. When I see that smile, I go senseless. In one hand he was holding a large black sack. With the other, he reached out and grabbed my hand, as if to assure me that everything was going to be okay. Then, he entered. He looked at the catastrophe. I mean, really looked at it. He walked around, perusing the whole thing.
And then he did something that I really didn't expect him to do. He began uncovering the piles. He pulled off the sheet "Busyness" to reveal a pile of loneliness and an old dresser whose drawers were overflowing with dreams I'd tried to forget. He pulled off "False Confidence" to reveal box after box of insecurity. He stripped off the one labeled, "Happy." Underneath were all sorts of sorrows and unhealed hurts, along with mounds of dirty gauze and band-aids that I'd used to cover up old wounds. Problem is, most of those wounds never fully healed...so the pile of band-aids just keeps growing.
With each pile I grew increasingly uncomfortable. And then he went to the side of the room that I was hoping he wouldn't--the curtain.
"No...please." I thought, "Anything but that."
If he went in there, he would see the one thing that I would worked so long and hard to hide. I hated--nay despised--this part of the room with an intense passion. Nevertheless, I couldn't get away from it. Going in there was like this neurotic compulsion for me--it was the only part of the room that was at all neat. Probably, because this was where I had spent the most amount of time...and now...now he was going to see it.
He looked long at hard the curtain. This curtain was the prettiest of them all and gave some semblance of order and beauty to the room...or so I told myself. It was labeled, "Perfection." He slowly but surely pulled it back to reveal just one old cardboard box, bland and boring. No big deal, right? On this box was the label, "Failures." He opened it. I couldn't watch. Now, he would see. He would see every time I'd hurt someone, every time I'd cursed someone under my breath, every time I'd let down myself and others, every time I'd sinned in my heart and with my hands...every one was in that box. I know, because I'd been through them over and over and over again.
And now, he'd seen them. He'd seen my room. He'd seen everything. There was no way he was going to stay, now that he knew how much work it was going to be.
He beckoned for me to come next to him, to where he was now sitting. He pulled out a failure and showed it to me. I choked back tears...I remembered that one as if it was yesterday. In fact, the page on which it was written was tear-stained, crumpled, and covered in shame. I had tried to throw it away many times before, but never could. It always ended up back in my box. Every. Single. Time. Throwing it away was pointless. Forgetting, impossible.
He then opened the large black sack, that he had carried in with him. I had forgotten about it until now.
"May I?" he asked.
"Oh you don't understand. I've tried...it never works."
He just grinned, crumpled the page, and tossed it in there. He didn't get it, did he? I opened my box, to show him that it would still be there, but when I looked for it, I discovered it wasn't. Stunned, I then opened his sack, to pull it back it. It wasn't there either.
"What...what's going on? How did you do that?"
"Do you remember that conversation, when I asked if you'd trust me?"
I nodded.
"Well, then, trust me."
I choked back tears as he pulled out another. This memory was more painful, the failure more apparent. We read over it and once again, he crumpled it up and tossed into his sack. Once again, it simply disappeared. Memory after memory, failure after failure went into that sack, and disappeared into the abyss. With each one, I could feel myself getting lighter and growing freer. As we went through them, I noticed, that some of the other piles of things began growing smaller, too. My insecurity pile was no longer as towering, my unhealed hurts were no longer as overwhelming.
Before I knew it, we had been through the whole box. I was unsure how to feel...I felt both exhausted and energized; terrified and terrific; free and frightened. In some ways, I felt frightened by my freedom. I had grown so used to the contents of that box, that now that they were gone, I didn't know what to do or how to feel.
He then turned to me and looked into my eyes--in the serious, probing way that only he can. "It's done," he said, "they're gone. You won't be able to find them again. So, don't try looking, because they won't be there. Forget about them. It's done."
I nodded, unable to speak. I looked around at the room, which was still messy, but different. I could see that the sun was shining through the window, as it set on the horizon. Spring flowers were starting to spring up outside that I hadn't noticed before.
Then he spoke again, lightly this time, his face breaking into a huge grin. He leaned in close and whispered, "And guess what? You're still my favorite."
I tried to ignore the reeking and rotting mounds of junk--boxes filled with random trinkets, meals that never got finished, trophies from preschool, yesterday's homework. Half of the room was enclosed in a curtain--well, a sheet, that is--to make it look like less of a chaotic mess. It was the same with the piles, they were covered in various colored sheets, so that you couldn't really see what was underneath. Nevertheless, each sheet was labeled, so that I had an idea of what was there. Yes, this was my junk room. The room no one EVER came in. At least, no one ever had.
As I sat in the middle of my disastrous--yet oddly comfortable--room, I thought about what I'd gotten myself into. It had started with a conversation I'd had earlier that day, a conversation with a very dear friend. My friend had asked about this room of mine, that I never let anyone enter. I'd talked about it many times before--often flippantly, as if it wasn't a big deal. But there were a few times that I'd mentioned it not so flippantly. And he'd noticed. He tends to notice stuff like that. So, he brought it up. He asked if he could come see it. And if I'd wanted, he could help me clean it.
"Oh no." I'd responded, "You wouldn't possibly want to go in there."
"I think I would," He'd responded.
"But it's a mess! I mean...believe me when I say, it's a disaster."
"Oh, I believe you. I still want to come." Then--teasing, "you'll still be my favorite." He's been saying that to me for as long as I can remember. He says it whenever he's talking about someone he really likes...and he makes a point to always say it to me. But if I let him into that room, things might change.
I tried to convince him to give up on the idea, but when he gets an idea in his head, it's really hard to get it out. And somehow--after a momentary lapse of reason--I'd agreed. I'd agreed to let him in. Feeling sick to my stomach, I got up and paced, and attempted to make clean. But it was useless. Even if I managed to get all the trash out, there was still the matter of the broken rafters, the sagging walls, and the boarded up windows...not to mention the bathroom. We're not even going there.
And then, the sound that I had been dreading.
Knock. Knock.
Maybe if I waited, he would change his mind. Maybe he'd think I wasn't here. Maybe...
Knock. Knock.
Reluctantly I moved towards the door. "What am I doing?" I think to myself, "Surely this isn't necessary. He'll never want to be with me once he sees this. He'll hate me. If I let him in, he's just going to leave. He'll..."
Knock. Knock.
Gulp.
I open the door.
And there...there he is. And he is smiling. Oh that smile. Now I remembered, that smile was the whole reason I'd agreed to let him come. When I see that smile, I go senseless. In one hand he was holding a large black sack. With the other, he reached out and grabbed my hand, as if to assure me that everything was going to be okay. Then, he entered. He looked at the catastrophe. I mean, really looked at it. He walked around, perusing the whole thing.
And then he did something that I really didn't expect him to do. He began uncovering the piles. He pulled off the sheet "Busyness" to reveal a pile of loneliness and an old dresser whose drawers were overflowing with dreams I'd tried to forget. He pulled off "False Confidence" to reveal box after box of insecurity. He stripped off the one labeled, "Happy." Underneath were all sorts of sorrows and unhealed hurts, along with mounds of dirty gauze and band-aids that I'd used to cover up old wounds. Problem is, most of those wounds never fully healed...so the pile of band-aids just keeps growing.
With each pile I grew increasingly uncomfortable. And then he went to the side of the room that I was hoping he wouldn't--the curtain.
"No...please." I thought, "Anything but that."
If he went in there, he would see the one thing that I would worked so long and hard to hide. I hated--nay despised--this part of the room with an intense passion. Nevertheless, I couldn't get away from it. Going in there was like this neurotic compulsion for me--it was the only part of the room that was at all neat. Probably, because this was where I had spent the most amount of time...and now...now he was going to see it.
He looked long at hard the curtain. This curtain was the prettiest of them all and gave some semblance of order and beauty to the room...or so I told myself. It was labeled, "Perfection." He slowly but surely pulled it back to reveal just one old cardboard box, bland and boring. No big deal, right? On this box was the label, "Failures." He opened it. I couldn't watch. Now, he would see. He would see every time I'd hurt someone, every time I'd cursed someone under my breath, every time I'd let down myself and others, every time I'd sinned in my heart and with my hands...every one was in that box. I know, because I'd been through them over and over and over again.
And now, he'd seen them. He'd seen my room. He'd seen everything. There was no way he was going to stay, now that he knew how much work it was going to be.
He beckoned for me to come next to him, to where he was now sitting. He pulled out a failure and showed it to me. I choked back tears...I remembered that one as if it was yesterday. In fact, the page on which it was written was tear-stained, crumpled, and covered in shame. I had tried to throw it away many times before, but never could. It always ended up back in my box. Every. Single. Time. Throwing it away was pointless. Forgetting, impossible.
He then opened the large black sack, that he had carried in with him. I had forgotten about it until now.
"May I?" he asked.
"Oh you don't understand. I've tried...it never works."
He just grinned, crumpled the page, and tossed it in there. He didn't get it, did he? I opened my box, to show him that it would still be there, but when I looked for it, I discovered it wasn't. Stunned, I then opened his sack, to pull it back it. It wasn't there either.
"What...what's going on? How did you do that?"
"Do you remember that conversation, when I asked if you'd trust me?"
I nodded.
"Well, then, trust me."
I choked back tears as he pulled out another. This memory was more painful, the failure more apparent. We read over it and once again, he crumpled it up and tossed into his sack. Once again, it simply disappeared. Memory after memory, failure after failure went into that sack, and disappeared into the abyss. With each one, I could feel myself getting lighter and growing freer. As we went through them, I noticed, that some of the other piles of things began growing smaller, too. My insecurity pile was no longer as towering, my unhealed hurts were no longer as overwhelming.
Before I knew it, we had been through the whole box. I was unsure how to feel...I felt both exhausted and energized; terrified and terrific; free and frightened. In some ways, I felt frightened by my freedom. I had grown so used to the contents of that box, that now that they were gone, I didn't know what to do or how to feel.
He then turned to me and looked into my eyes--in the serious, probing way that only he can. "It's done," he said, "they're gone. You won't be able to find them again. So, don't try looking, because they won't be there. Forget about them. It's done."
I nodded, unable to speak. I looked around at the room, which was still messy, but different. I could see that the sun was shining through the window, as it set on the horizon. Spring flowers were starting to spring up outside that I hadn't noticed before.
Then he spoke again, lightly this time, his face breaking into a huge grin. He leaned in close and whispered, "And guess what? You're still my favorite."
Isaiah 43:18
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Behold, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
Psalm 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Splashes and Ripples
Sometimes I have imaginary conversations in my head. No, I'm not schizophrenic...though, I think you could safely say I have a tendency to over-analyze things. Tonight, I was thinking a lot about all of the things I would say and all of the things I would do if there were no consequences to my words or actions. I confess there's a part of me that wants so badly to jump off the deep end into a pool of recklessness simply because I'm tired of always saying the right thing (or rather, not saying the wrong thing) always doing the right thing.
And I'm really tired of getting made fun of for choosing the right thing, too, even when it's just playful. I think that's what's really wearying to me. Somewhere in all the teasing and lightheartedness, these subtle (okay, maybe not so subtle) messages are being given:
"It's not really worth it."
"Waiting is overrated."
"Just do what feels good."
"C'mon, just jump into the pool already."
And, if I'm going to be completely honest, there's a part of me that wants so badly to say, "screw it," and do exactly what I want, when I want, and how I want, regardless of the consequences. But, deep down, I can't disregard the consequences. The fact is, I know that jumping into that pool will have both splashes and ripples. And the ripples last long after the splash is gone. Actions will always have consequences. The question is, "what do I want those consequences to be?"
Should I listen to those messages and make decisions based on what I want, when I want it, and how I want it? Here is where I run into a problem--what I want is a matter of the moment, it's a matter of emotion. And Emotion is a really good liar. Not to mention, it's ridiculously finicky. One minute it wants one thing, the next minute it's something different. It's an exhausting game working to please Emotion. A game, that quite honestly, I don't want to play.
This brings me to the other option: making decisions based on Truth. Truth is of a completely different nature than Emotion. You see, Truth is unchanging. Truth is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Emotion will fluctuate up and down and be all over the place, but Truth is solid. Truth will stand long after Emotion has faded. And Truth looks at that pool of recklessness and asks, "Is it really worth it? Are those really the ripples you want." Then Truth takes me by the hand and says:
And suddenly, in the face of Truth, all of Emotion's offers simply aren't as appealing anymore, because I see them for what they are: a bunch of empty emotions...that come with consequences, no less. In essence, one loud splash with a whole lot of ripples.
And I'm really tired of getting made fun of for choosing the right thing, too, even when it's just playful. I think that's what's really wearying to me. Somewhere in all the teasing and lightheartedness, these subtle (okay, maybe not so subtle) messages are being given:
"It's not really worth it."
"Waiting is overrated."
"Just do what feels good."
"C'mon, just jump into the pool already."
And, if I'm going to be completely honest, there's a part of me that wants so badly to say, "screw it," and do exactly what I want, when I want, and how I want, regardless of the consequences. But, deep down, I can't disregard the consequences. The fact is, I know that jumping into that pool will have both splashes and ripples. And the ripples last long after the splash is gone. Actions will always have consequences. The question is, "what do I want those consequences to be?"
Should I listen to those messages and make decisions based on what I want, when I want it, and how I want it? Here is where I run into a problem--what I want is a matter of the moment, it's a matter of emotion. And Emotion is a really good liar. Not to mention, it's ridiculously finicky. One minute it wants one thing, the next minute it's something different. It's an exhausting game working to please Emotion. A game, that quite honestly, I don't want to play.
This brings me to the other option: making decisions based on Truth. Truth is of a completely different nature than Emotion. You see, Truth is unchanging. Truth is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Emotion will fluctuate up and down and be all over the place, but Truth is solid. Truth will stand long after Emotion has faded. And Truth looks at that pool of recklessness and asks, "Is it really worth it? Are those really the ripples you want." Then Truth takes me by the hand and says:
"Remember. Remember why you're here. Remember why you're standing. Remember why you've made the choices you've made. Remember who you serve. Remember why you're waiting. Remember. Remember me."
And suddenly, in the face of Truth, all of Emotion's offers simply aren't as appealing anymore, because I see them for what they are: a bunch of empty emotions...that come with consequences, no less. In essence, one loud splash with a whole lot of ripples.
Today's truth that I'm standing on:
Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefeore since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens--Jesus the Son of God--let us hold fast to the confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Monday, February 14, 2011
When God Says "No"
I was going to try and write something amazing and profound, probably relating to Valentine's Day and trusting the Lord and being content and all that jazz...but then I read this post from October. And it so very much fits where I'm at right now, that I had to share it again. So here it is:
Being the highly privileged (okay spoiled) American Christian that I am, I have this tendency to think that the world revolves around me. After all, I’m God’s kid right? My needs. My wants. My passions. They are of utmost importance. However, you might be surprised (as was I!) to find that this is not actually the case (shocker, right?).
This mentality has led me to (I’m ashamed to say) treat God as my own personal magic maker.
“Dear God. I want this, this, and this. Please deliver quickly. Thanks. Me.”
Now, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t say it quite like that. That sounds far too selfish and egotistical, which are definitely not traits that a good Christian girl like me should have. Rather, it’s phrased:
Lo and behold, things do not go according to my plan, God doesn’t provide exactly what I want when I want it, and I…well, I do what any sweet, loving child would—I throw a temper tantrum.
This brings me to the whole purpose of this essay. It’s really far too simple in my opinion. Two letters, actually. But put together, they cause such trauma. No. It’s only two letters—not even enough to get points for in a Boggle (yes, I’m one of those weird academic types who likes things like that, thanks for reminding me).
That’s it. No.
When God says “no....” Hmmm...when God says "no...."I know, you’re just dying to finish that sentence. When God says “no” all hell breaks loose. Or when God says “no” everything in my life goes wrong. Or when God says “no” it’s because He loves me.
Whoa there. That can't be right. Six months ago, I would've violently argued against that. But I’ve learned a lot since then.
When God says “no” it’s because He loves you. Because He loves me. Think of a two year old who has no idea what’s good or isn’t good for them. The ball is in the street. They want the ball. A car is coming. What do would you say if your kid wanted to run into the street after the ball? "Go for it, honey!"? OF COURSE NOT! You would say, “NO!”
There’s a hot stove. They want to touch it. What do you say? “NO!” There’s an extra slice of cake. They want to eat it. They have an allergy to wheat that causes them to have terrible stomach aches. What do you say? “NO!” Do you see where this is going? I'm putting this in green because you need to get this:
If that’s the case with parents, then it most definitely translates to God. Sometimes, one of most loving things God can do for me is to not give me what I want simply because I want it. In essence, when He says “no,” He’s really saying, “I love you and I'm doing what's best for me, so my answer is 'no'”
Who would’ve thunk?—that’s what’s really going on when God says “no.”
Being the highly privileged (okay spoiled) American Christian that I am, I have this tendency to think that the world revolves around me. After all, I’m God’s kid right? My needs. My wants. My passions. They are of utmost importance. However, you might be surprised (as was I!) to find that this is not actually the case (shocker, right?).
This mentality has led me to (I’m ashamed to say) treat God as my own personal magic maker.
“Dear God. I want this, this, and this. Please deliver quickly. Thanks. Me.”
Now, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t say it quite like that. That sounds far too selfish and egotistical, which are definitely not traits that a good Christian girl like me should have. Rather, it’s phrased:
“Dear God. I understand that you are in the business of blessing your children and doing what is best for their lives. I think I could help you out on blessing my life! (Pats self on back) I have here a plan—of my own devising, even—that I think you will be quite proud of. All it requires are these few things from you (very large list follows). That’s it! Thanks God. I knew you’d understand. By the way, you rock.”If you have ever found yourself praying anything like the above prayer, please keep reading. But be warned, you might not like what comes next (I can’t say I did either).
Lo and behold, things do not go according to my plan, God doesn’t provide exactly what I want when I want it, and I…well, I do what any sweet, loving child would—I throw a temper tantrum.
This brings me to the whole purpose of this essay. It’s really far too simple in my opinion. Two letters, actually. But put together, they cause such trauma. No. It’s only two letters—not even enough to get points for in a Boggle (yes, I’m one of those weird academic types who likes things like that, thanks for reminding me).
That’s it. No.
When God says “no....” Hmmm...when God says "no...."I know, you’re just dying to finish that sentence. When God says “no” all hell breaks loose. Or when God says “no” everything in my life goes wrong. Or when God says “no” it’s because He loves me.
Whoa there. That can't be right. Six months ago, I would've violently argued against that. But I’ve learned a lot since then.
When God says “no” it’s because He loves you. Because He loves me. Think of a two year old who has no idea what’s good or isn’t good for them. The ball is in the street. They want the ball. A car is coming. What do would you say if your kid wanted to run into the street after the ball? "Go for it, honey!"? OF COURSE NOT! You would say, “NO!”
There’s a hot stove. They want to touch it. What do you say? “NO!” There’s an extra slice of cake. They want to eat it. They have an allergy to wheat that causes them to have terrible stomach aches. What do you say? “NO!” Do you see where this is going? I'm putting this in green because you need to get this:
Parents are constantly telling their children “no” because it’s what’s best for them. Likewise, God—our heavenly Father—says “no” to us when it’s what’s best for us, because He loves us.This past year, I’ve had to learn the hard way that when God says “no,” He means it. And when He says “no” it’s because He loves me. And if—as I’ve been asking Him for quite some time now—I truly want to experience His love, then I have to be willing to experience His “no’s,” even when I’m desperate for a “yes.”
“For the Lord disciplines those He loves, just as a father the son he delights in” Hebrews 12:6.Having babysat a lot of bratty children, I can attest to that. Without a doubt, the parents I admire most are those who take time to lovingly discipline their children. It shows me that a parent really loves their kids when they take time to correct them properly, even when it’s unpleasant. They’re more concerned about the long term effects of their kid’s character then whether or not they’re popular with their kids at that moment. Does it really matter if they get that second piece of candy (or video game or night with friends)? Parents who love their kids don’t give them whatever they want just because they want it. They say “no.”
If that’s the case with parents, then it most definitely translates to God. Sometimes, one of most loving things God can do for me is to not give me what I want simply because I want it. In essence, when He says “no,” He’s really saying, “I love you and I'm doing what's best for me, so my answer is 'no'”
Who would’ve thunk?—that’s what’s really going on when God says “no.”
Friday, February 11, 2011
When Waiting Sucks
Sometimes it feels like waiting on God is just plain pointless.
What's the use, really? Sure, there are all these promises in the Bible about those who wait on the Lord, but let's face it, waiting sucks. Especially when it just plain seems like God isn't going to show up.
I know I'm not the first person to ever feel this way or to doubt God's promises (otherwise, why would there be SO many verses about waiting and trusting etc.?) Saul, the first king of Israel, struggled with this as well. Now, here was a man handpicked, anointed, and set apart by God. At the beginning of his kingly career, he prophesied, led his people to victory in battle, realigned Israel to God, and had what looked like a stellar life ahead of him. And then, somewhere he got off track. Or, to be more accurate, he got a little impatient. It's in 1 Samuel 13, that we see Saul's story take a turn for the worse.
In a sense, God was testing Saul to see if Saul would stand firm and wait on God, even if God seemed like He was going to be late.
What are you waiting for? Have you given up hope? Have you decided that God's not coming through and to try and take matters into your own hands? Please, don't. It's never a good idea. I'm not negating personal responsibility, just saying that if God's given you a promise, hold onto that promise for dear life. Trust that He will come through. He's faithful like that. Don't make the same mistake Saul did, a mistake that eventually cost him the throne. Instead, let us declare, like David:
What's the use, really? Sure, there are all these promises in the Bible about those who wait on the Lord, but let's face it, waiting sucks. Especially when it just plain seems like God isn't going to show up.
I know I'm not the first person to ever feel this way or to doubt God's promises (otherwise, why would there be SO many verses about waiting and trusting etc.?) Saul, the first king of Israel, struggled with this as well. Now, here was a man handpicked, anointed, and set apart by God. At the beginning of his kingly career, he prophesied, led his people to victory in battle, realigned Israel to God, and had what looked like a stellar life ahead of him. And then, somewhere he got off track. Or, to be more accurate, he got a little impatient. It's in 1 Samuel 13, that we see Saul's story take a turn for the worse.
1 Samuel 13:5-10Let's pause, for a moment. Why is what Saul did a big deal? Why was Samuel so upset with Saul? To start, let's look at this from Saul's point of view. He's between a rock and a hard place. The Philistines are about to attack on one side, his troops are deserting him on the other; he's waiting for Samuel, who will come and help unify the troops, but Samuel hasn't shown up. So what does he do? Something's gotta be done. God's not coming through, so it's time to take things into his own hands. This is where the problem is. The fact that Saul offered the burnt offering, while appearing like he was trusting God, was actually evidence of the exact opposite. That was not his job and he knew it. He was trying to show the troops that he was in control by offering this sacrifice. If you read earlier, you'll realize that this sacrifice was supposed to be where Samuel anointed Saul again and established that his kingdom would last in the land of Israel. Samuel was supposed to anoint Saul. Saul was not supposed to anoint himself.
"The Philistines also gathered to fight against Israel...The men of Israel saw that they were in trouble because the troops were in a difficult situation. They hid in caves, thickets, among rocks, and in holes and cisterns. Some Hebrews even crossed the Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead.
"Saul, however was still at Gilgal, and all his troops were gripped with fear. He waited seven days for the appointed time that Samuel had set, but Samuel didn't come to Gilgal, and the troops were deserting him. So Saul said, 'Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings.' Then he offered the burnt offering.
"Just as he finished offering the burnt offering, Samuel arrived. So Saul went out to greet him, and Samuel asked, 'What have you done?'"
In a sense, God was testing Saul to see if Saul would stand firm and wait on God, even if God seemed like He was going to be late.
Habakkuk 2:3Just because God delays His promise, doesn't mean He's late and it doesn't mean He's not coming through. It simply means His timing is not our timing. And perhaps, like Saul, He's testing us to see if we will wait, even when it seems like He's forgotten.
"For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will note lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late."
What are you waiting for? Have you given up hope? Have you decided that God's not coming through and to try and take matters into your own hands? Please, don't. It's never a good idea. I'm not negating personal responsibility, just saying that if God's given you a promise, hold onto that promise for dear life. Trust that He will come through. He's faithful like that. Don't make the same mistake Saul did, a mistake that eventually cost him the throne. Instead, let us declare, like David:
"Surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:13-14)Maybe waiting isn't such a bad thing, after all.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Shut up and Rest
Last night I drove home from work and vented my frustrations to the Lord. Why does He always put me in situations where my character has to be tested? Really, couldn't He just give me what I want when I want it for once? I realize how egotistical and selfish that last statement sounds...that probably has to something to do with the state of my heart. As I complained that He was taking too long, He ever so simply, in His sweet, wonderful way said, "Praise." As much as I didn't want to (I've been learned that arguing is futile), I consented. Ever so surely, I was brought back to a place of humility and reminded that a) God is still God, b) He does love me c) He does know what He's doing d) all He's called me to do right now is rest.
Be still.
Rest.
Wait.
Shhh...don't speak. Just rest.
For someone who is pro at freaking out at things she shouldn't freak out about, this is somewhat difficult. But slowly and surely, I'm learning to be still and rest.
2 Chronicles 20:17 "You do not have to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord."
If I'm constantly trying to figure it out or make it happen on my own, I'll never be able to see what God's doing or the way He's going to show up. The only way I can is if I shut up and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."
The Israelites simply didn't get it. And sometimes I don't really either. I don't want it to be said of me, "I offered you all this, 'but you would have none of it.'" I like the "and you will see the salvation of the Lord" verse better. Which version I get to experience is kind of up to me, though, isn't it?
So, I think I'm going to listen this time. I guess that means I'd better stop writing, shut up, and rest.
Be still.
Rest.
Wait.
Shhh...don't speak. Just rest.
For someone who is pro at freaking out at things she shouldn't freak out about, this is somewhat difficult. But slowly and surely, I'm learning to be still and rest.
2 Chronicles 20:17 "You do not have to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord."
If I'm constantly trying to figure it out or make it happen on my own, I'll never be able to see what God's doing or the way He's going to show up. The only way I can is if I shut up and rest.
Isaiah 30:15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."
The Israelites simply didn't get it. And sometimes I don't really either. I don't want it to be said of me, "I offered you all this, 'but you would have none of it.'" I like the "and you will see the salvation of the Lord" verse better. Which version I get to experience is kind of up to me, though, isn't it?
So, I think I'm going to listen this time. I guess that means I'd better stop writing, shut up, and rest.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thirsty
When I think vocabulary that could describe my current state of being, two words come to mind: thirsty and desperate. Not exactly the two words that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But, in all honesty, I feel like my soul is in a state of deep desperation and longing that I can't really describe. It's kind of like how you feel after a really long run on a super hot day when you forgot your water bottle. The only thing you can think about is getting a hold of some water and chugging it. It's like there's this deep, intense thirst inside of me that I'm desperate to quench.
Isaiah 41:17 says "The poor and needy seek water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst." I don't know of any other way to describe my heart but like that. It's a pretty pathetic feeling, but I think it's a good place to be. Especially when you read further. "I, the Lord, will answer them; I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them. I will open rivers on the barren heights, and springs in the middle of the plains. I will turn the desert into a pool of water and dry land into springs of water."
Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled." and John 6:35, "I am the bread of life," Jesus told them, "No one who comes to me will ever be hungry and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again." Jesus wasn't saying that we'd never experience hunger pains or the feeling of thirst, rather that we would be filled. That we'd never be in a place where we would be unable to satisfy our spiritual hunger or thirst because we can always turn to Him and He will fill us anew.
Psalm 34:8 says "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Have you ever noticed how much better food tastes when you're really really really hungry? Or how you may hate water when you're full, but when you're really thirsty it's the most amazing thing in the world? God is inviting us to come with our hunger and thirst and desperation. He's inviting us to drink from His waters that we may live.
The cool thing about hunger and thirst is that they're indicators that our bodies are working properly. If we didn't ever get hungry or thirsty, we'd have no way of knowing that we need nutrition and fuel. It's the same with our spirits. When we find ourselves empty and burnt out or just plain hungry for something new and refreshing, it's our spirits indicating that they need to be fed.
So, I guess thirsty and desperate...that's an okay place to be. It's okay because it brings me to back to Jesus and the foot of the cross. Not to mention, God is known for meeting those in desperation. And the greater my thirst, the more appealing is His invitation. He promised to provide water for the thirsty and, friends, I am thirsty. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to "taste and see" just how good He really is. I have a feeling I won't be disappointed.
Isaiah 41:17 says "The poor and needy seek water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst." I don't know of any other way to describe my heart but like that. It's a pretty pathetic feeling, but I think it's a good place to be. Especially when you read further. "I, the Lord, will answer them; I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them. I will open rivers on the barren heights, and springs in the middle of the plains. I will turn the desert into a pool of water and dry land into springs of water."
Matthew 5:6 says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled." and John 6:35, "I am the bread of life," Jesus told them, "No one who comes to me will ever be hungry and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again." Jesus wasn't saying that we'd never experience hunger pains or the feeling of thirst, rather that we would be filled. That we'd never be in a place where we would be unable to satisfy our spiritual hunger or thirst because we can always turn to Him and He will fill us anew.
Psalm 34:8 says "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Have you ever noticed how much better food tastes when you're really really really hungry? Or how you may hate water when you're full, but when you're really thirsty it's the most amazing thing in the world? God is inviting us to come with our hunger and thirst and desperation. He's inviting us to drink from His waters that we may live.
The cool thing about hunger and thirst is that they're indicators that our bodies are working properly. If we didn't ever get hungry or thirsty, we'd have no way of knowing that we need nutrition and fuel. It's the same with our spirits. When we find ourselves empty and burnt out or just plain hungry for something new and refreshing, it's our spirits indicating that they need to be fed.
So, I guess thirsty and desperate...that's an okay place to be. It's okay because it brings me to back to Jesus and the foot of the cross. Not to mention, God is known for meeting those in desperation. And the greater my thirst, the more appealing is His invitation. He promised to provide water for the thirsty and, friends, I am thirsty. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to "taste and see" just how good He really is. I have a feeling I won't be disappointed.
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